"Do you 'expect' your husband to help with household chores? If you do, you won't have a happy marriage because expectations destroy relationships."
When I saw this "meme" floating around my Facebook and how many people were agreeing with it, I couldn't help but be kind of shocked. How could anyone agree with something in which you essentially become someone's slave or second mother upon saying "I do."
"Remember, you didn't marry your husband to help with the household chores. You married him to be your protector and provider. You should also have married him because you deeply loved him, wanted to be a great help to him, and to make his life better, not worse and put more burdens upon his shoulders that he already has to carry in providing for his family."
OK, I have a question in regards to that. Why was love not the first reason for why you should have married someone? Love was simply an "also" in this declaration. Marrying someone to be your protector and provider was the No. 1 "reason." I'm going into my third year of college. I am not getting a college degree in order to keep busy during my late teens and early 20s. I am getting a degree to provide for myself.
One day, I would love to be married. And maybe I won't because I refuse to spend a life being an indentured servant to someone. I want to get married because I so hopelessly love someone so much that I do not want to face this world alone. I want a partner as a husband, not a master.
Am I going to leave my husband to do his own cooking and laundry and everything else? No, I won't. I will take care of him because I love him and that is just a physical way of showing my love. But will it rustle my jimmies if he comes to expect these things and wants to get lazy and not offer a helping hand? Yes. He probably had a long day at work, sure. But so will I. And it won't kill him to take out the trash (maybe even as he leaves for work!) or put his dishes in the dishwasher after he's finished with them rather than leaving them sit, just like it wouldn't kill me.
Why are women seen as automatically more equipped to handle housework? Why do men get the cop out of "I had a long day at work." What did these men do and how did they survive when they weren't living at home and were bachelors? Did they just live in filth and starve because they were "too tired" to cook or clean when they got home from work?
Life isn't easy, and yes I do not want to make life hard for my future husband, but I highly doubt I will be adding crippling stress and turmoil to his shoulders for asking him for help around the house or to put his dirty clothes in the hamper.
Of course I am not saying it's wrong if wives want to wait on their husbands hand and foot, but I am saying it's wrong for me. Because I don't plan to be a stay-at-home wife, unless I would have the opportunity to work from home or stay home with children, it is unfair to expect me to go to work all day and then come home and then take care of the house by myself.
And weren't we just saying that expectations ruin marriages? So why is it so often that wives are expected to be the sole keepers of the home?
Is the creator of this meme just dead wrong and a woman hater? No, they aren't. But it doesn't account for all marriages and lifestyles, and I personally think it's short sighted to place 100 percent of responsibility for anything on one spouse's shoulders.
The original post is completely right in the regard that you can't have expectations in a marriage, because it will eat it up. But that goes entirely both ways. I am not a maid. And neither will my husband be. Marriage is about living life together.
Practicing togetherness, even by doing laundry together, is what will hold a marriage together.
