June 2016 will mark one year of marriage for me and my husband. This first year has not exactly been the blissful Nicholas Sparks novel setup that I was expecting. Instead of spending this first year getting our feet set, life decided to knock our feet out from under us and send us back to square one. I'm in no way saying that marriage is not worth it because I'll be the first to tell you that it is. These setbacks in life are useful teaching lessons in the grand scheme of things. However, before you jump into the gift of marriage, there are three things you need to consider beforehand.
1. There will be unmet expectations.
With marriage comes disagreements. It's a given. When you get two sinners together and tell them to live a life together, things are not going to be perfect. My husband and I have had one fight since we've been married and it was over rice. Yes, you read that right - RICE! At least rice was the object of our frustration, the real reason we were upset was because my husband had one set of expectations and I had another, and neither of us met them. There were other factors that escalated the situation, but when you get down to it, our expectations were not met and we were not happy about it. A quick side note: you need to make sure that you aren't setting unrealistic expectations for your husband. Otherwise, you both will get discouraged when nothing seems to be going like you pictured it in your head. Understanding that your marriage will not be perfect needs to be a reality, not a possibility. In turn, the reality that you have to work at it to make your marriage the way God intended, must be a necessity, not an option.
2. It's not your husband's job to give you joy.
First of all, the difference between joy and happiness needs to be understood. Happiness is circumstantial, while joy is eternal and unfading. Your husband is a sinner. If your joy is dependent on your husband's ability to make you laugh, smile, and feel worthy - you're doing it wrong. Husbands, no matter how great, will let you down. You should define yourself in Christ. You should find your joy in Christ. God blessed you with your husband to bring you happiness in life, not be the foundation of it. Believe me, my husband can make me belly laugh more than anyone, but I shouldn't put the pressure on him to be the one who's in charge of my joy and self-worth. Husband's have a ton of responsibility but that is not one of them. Joy is God's to give, don't take that away from Him.
3. A selfless mindset is a MUST.
The Bible tells us that as wives, we are to be helpers to our husband. That has many aspects to it. Sometimes we have to point out something to them that won't be a popular comment. Sometimes tough love is our role. Other times it just means encouraging him and letting him know his opinions matter. Wearing an outfit that he picks out over something you would've wanted can sometimes work wonders when it comes to showing him that you value him. It's the simple things. Little actions can make big impacts. Proverbs 31 is probably the epitome of what it looks like to be a selfless woman and finding purpose in the details. The whole chapter is slam full of selfless act after selfless act. She rises early in the morning, works hard all day and night, and (here's the kicker) DOESN'T complain during any of it. She is described as a jewel, someone her husband is proud of. If there was ever any woman to be envious of, it'd be the Proverbs 31 woman! She is who you should want to emulate. She is #goals.
Basically, marriage is work, but worth every minute of it! I wouldn't trade my marriage for anything because it has been an awesome demonstration of just how much God loves me. So if you're wondering whether or not to jump into marriage, be smart about it, then JUMP! You won't regret it if you're willing to work.
