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21 Excuses You Can Use To Avoid Drinking In College

"I'm saving my first drink to be a crisp scotch with Bill Murray."

Riley Farrell

Nov 19, 2018

Texas A&M University

1078

21 Excuses You Can Use To Avoid Drinking In College

@oldrow Instagram

Sober, I am doing all the activities that students who drink do. This includes the seemingly intimidating parties, dinners, etc. where folks engage in communal drinking. Here, I understand that turning down drinks is difficult! You know, the whole psychology of peer pressure, yada yada. But, staying sober is completely possible with the help of some handy-dandy excuses.

Obviously, "because I don't feel like it" is a perfectly legitimate reason, but there will always be pushy people who cannot take "nope" for an answer. So, here are some lighthearted ways to turn down the offer.

1. “I am on a dry season because I am a student athlete. Want to feel my muscles?”

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2. “No, thanks! I am the designated driver tonight!”

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(And every night, but they do not have to know that.)

3. “The last time I drank, I accidentally sent my nudes to my Calculus professor, who, funnily enough refused to give me an extension on my homework afterwards. Anyway, I dropped that class.”

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4. “I am already suuuper drunk right now!”

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(It helps if you trip over as you say this one. Really sell it.)

5. “I have to write an entire paper on “Paradise Lost” when I get home because it’s due tomorrow at 8 a.m.”

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6. “I have a weird family history with drinking, so I’d rather not risk it. Both of my parents, all of my siblings, my cousin Bobby, and my dog are all alcoholics!”

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7. “I only drink Cheval Blanc 1947 St-Emilio (Bordeaux, France).”

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(This wine costs over one hundred grand.)

8. “I ought to help my pal get home safe.”

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9. “I’m saving my first drink to be a crisp scotch with Bill Murray.”

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10. “My roommate is getting up tomorrow at the crack of dawn and I don’t want to kill him/her if he/she wakes me up while I am hungover.”

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11. “I literally just don’t want to drink. Run along now, nerd.”

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12. “My parents think I'm at the library and I have to call them later.”

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13. "I am celiac and the gluten in beer makes me crazy sick.”

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14. “Ew, no. Who are you all kidding?! Alcohol tastes nasty.”

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15. “No, I already have the confidence I need to talk to cute boys/girls.”

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16. “Maybe later! I am pacing myself!”

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17. “Hey! Look over there!”

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(Run away.)

18. “I’m pregnant.”

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(This is a great excuse, especially if you can have a food baby during the event.)

19. Just scream until they walk away.

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20. “Can’t! It is because of my diet! Did you know that two beers add three hundred calories to your day? Ugh, Whole 30 over Freshman 15, am I right?”

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21. “I don’t think my sponsor would like me messing up my twelfth step in AA.”

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

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Recommended for you

21 Excuses You Can Use To Avoid Drinking In College

"I'm saving my first drink to be a crisp scotch with Bill Murray."

In This Article:

1. “I am on a dry season because I am a student athlete. Want to feel my muscles?”

2. “No, thanks! I am the designated driver tonight!”

3. “The last time I drank, I accidentally sent my nudes to my Calculus professor, who, funnily enough refused to give me an extension on my homework afterwards. Anyway, I dropped that class.”

4. “I am already suuuper drunk right now!”

5. “I have to write an entire paper on “Paradise Lost” when I get home because it’s due tomorrow at 8 a.m.”

6. “I have a weird family history with drinking, so I’d rather not risk it. Both of my parents, all of my siblings, my cousin Bobby, and my dog are all alcoholics!”

7. “I only drink Cheval Blanc 1947 St-Emilio (Bordeaux, France).”

8. “I ought to help my pal get home safe.”

9. “I’m saving my first drink to be a crisp scotch with Bill Murray.”

10. “My roommate is getting up tomorrow at the crack of dawn and I don’t want to kill him/her if he/she wakes me up while I am hungover.”

11. “I literally just don’t want to drink. Run along now, nerd.”

12. “My parents think I'm at the library and I have to call them later.”

13. "I am celiac and the gluten in beer makes me crazy sick.”

14. “Ew, no. Who are you all kidding?! Alcohol tastes nasty.”

15. “No, I already have the confidence I need to talk to cute boys/girls.”

16. “Maybe later! I am pacing myself!”

17. “Hey! Look over there!”

18. “I’m pregnant.”

19. Just scream until they walk away.

20. “Can’t! It is because of my diet! Did you know that two beers add three hundred calories to your day? Ugh, Whole 30 over Freshman 15, am I right?”

21. “I don’t think my sponsor would like me messing up my twelfth step in AA.”

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Feeling Lost During Syllabus Week? You're Not Alone!

The professor starts to go over something more than the syllabus

You get homework assigned on the first day of class

There are multiple group projects on the syllabus

You learn attendance is mandatory and will be taken every class

Professor starts chatting about their personal life and what inspired them to teach this class

Participation is mandatory and you have to play "icebreaker games"

Everybody is going out because its 'syllabus week' but you're laying in bed watching Grey's Anatomy

Looking outside anytime past 8 PM every night of this week

Nobody actually has any idea what's happening this entire week

Syllabus week is over and you realize you actually have to try now...or not

Chips, apple or bread?

1. You own so many pairs of khaki pants you don’t even know what to do with them

2. Chips, apple or bread is probably your most repeated phrase

3. Taking bakery items with you out to parties was a must

4. Taking bakery items home to your parents was also a must (if you wanted to live)

5. Your friends expected you to give them free stuff

6. Being put on dishes made you question humanity

7. You saw everyone and their mother (especially their mothers)

8. Working the opening shift was actually the worst thing to ever happen to you

9. Being able to predict what people would order

10. Making coffee was your least favorite thing to do

11.Being put on the dining room was the absolute WORST

12. Secretly putting in your Panera card number when other people didn’t have them or want them.

13. You would still come in on days you weren’t working to take advantage of your discount

It's Been a Long Winter Break

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1. Use singular they for people whose pronouns you don't know, people who use those pronouns, and stop using him/her.

2. Stop using the words "opposite sex" or "both sexes" or "opposite gender" or "both genders".

3. Ask people's pronouns when you meet them.

4. Use the word cisgender.

5. Stop saying "born a boy/girl" about a transgender or non-binary person.

6. Stop using the term 'preferred pronouns'.

7. Stop using a transgender or non-binary person's dead name.

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