Dear former friend,
Ending our friendship was one of the biggest losses of my life. I sobbed every night for two months, missing the way things were. When I watched my sister graduate college, I couldn't be happy for her because I felt such loss in my life. It felt as if someone died in my life. I missed the way you made me laugh, and I cared about you as much as I cared about my family. You were my family, my heart, my soul, and I would of done anything for you. However, the ending of this friendship was much needed in every possible way.
We decided to live together, which was probably our first mistake. It's a rookie college mistake to live with your best friend - but we were both so excited to be roommates! I never really knew how you were, living-wise. You claimed to be clean, friendly, and dedicated to your studies. You wanted to join a sorority or a club, make friends, and establish yourself at college. I was thinking you were going to make big things happen. I was completely wrong.
Man, oh man.....you just changed into this person I didn't recognize. You were not the same best friend who I loved. First off, you chose your boyfriend completely over me. He used to make you feel like you were never good enough, always commenting on your body, telling you how you were chubby and your hips were large. You were beautiful, you didn't deserve a guy telling you your flaws every minute. In addition, because he was so controlling, he turned you into a messy, irresponsible, control freak. You wanted things your way or no way - you even threatened to call the cops if my on again/ off again boyfriend showed up at our apartment. Yet, your boyfriend was allowed to stay 3 nights a week? Especially when you were LOUD that I had to put in head phones in order to sleep? You ditched three weeks of class so you could stay a bit longer in bed with him, and destroy our kitchen (Note: I would clean their mess up every time, for the fear of getting ants. EW.) You even asked me not to come to my apartment at times because "you were still in bed with him" - especially when I was with my mother, trying to move out?! The last straw was when you made me sob on Mother's Day by harassing me about the ONE damage I made in our apartment - while you made many. Ridiculous.
I could go on, and on, about how controlling you were of me. In fact, I could write up a novel about us! I never stood up for myself because I was afraid of loosing you. You meant so much to me that I was willing to partake in a controlling friendship and sacrifice my happiness. I will never get closure on why you turned into such a negative person, it something that still boggles my mind to this day.
I want to thank you, though. As strange as it sounds, the end of our friendship was a blessing in disguise. Now, I don't compare myself to your body or looks. I feel free of toxicity in my life. I am free of anxiety and depression you brought to me. I am finally in a loving relationship with my boyfriend, because I am free of your judgment and anger towards him. However, I learned from you that life does not revolve around your boyfriend. Friends and family matter the most. They keep me in check whenever I am spending too much time with him, or they miss me. With the loss of your presence in my life, I have gained 150+ of the best friends a girl could ask for. I am now even more motivated in school, so much that I have a strong possibly of attending grad school with a merit scholarship. You have changed me for the better. I am just happier, more confident, and my heart has opened up to allow healthier friendships in my life. I pray that you are doing well and I pray that you will come to your senses and dump him. You deserve so much better, and you have the potential to do anything you achieve in this world.
Thank you for making me stronger.
Sincerely,
Sarah
