In a recent article of mine, where I discussed the horrors of the organization Autism Speaks, I shed light on what it's like to be on the autism spectrum. Now, I bring forth to you some fun facts about another type of spectrum I happen to be a part of: the ace spectrum.
No, ace isn't another type of disability I have. Ace means asexuality.
Most of us grow up only knowing of 3 types of sexualities: heterosexual, homosexual and bisexual. Over time we may learn of pansexuality as well. All of these describe, obviously, who you're sexually attracted to. But did you know it's possible to have little or no sexual attraction to anyone? That, my friend, is called being asexual.
I'm sure there's a good chance you've already heard of asexuality. But let me enlighten you, because it's actually a lot deeper and more complicated than what you might already know. We have the Kinsey scale, which describes how homosexual or heterosexual someone might be. Then we have the ace spectrum, which describes how much sexual attraction a person experiences.
Asexual means you are rarely or never sexually attracted to anyone. However many aces can and do still experience romantic attraction, just without the sexual aspect of it. Meaning you can be ace and still be straight, gay, bi, pan, poly, or whatever the hell you want to call yourself. So unless you're aromantic as well, which refers to no romantic attraction, you can still be romantically attached to whatever gender(s) you want to date; you just don't feel a burning desire to fuck any of them.
You can self-identify as an asexual, yet at the same time be anywhere on the ace spectrum. It doesn't have to mean you're completely entirely devoid of sexual attraction. You can experience it sometimes or for certain people. That's what the spectrum's all about. Also, being ace doesn't mean you have no sex drive. Or that you'll never have sex and remain a virgin your whole life. Aces are still capable of feeling arousal or even participating in sex, in fact many aces can and do enjoy sex! Ace doesn't necessarily mean you don't experience a desire for sex; but rather you just generally don't experience a desire for sex with specific people.
Except for some aces, it does mean just that. Some aces live a perfectly fulfilling life without any sort of sexual activity or even any arousal-- and that's okay too. You can be an ace who is both asexual and aromantic, which would mean you aren't romantically attracted to anyone either.
Or you can be somewhere in the middle. You can be ace and not necessarily have a sex drive but just participate in sex because the person you're dating enjoys it and you're okay with it. You can be an ace who experiences sexual attraction occasionally, which is known as grey-ace, or "grace". You can be ace and be romantically attracted to a lot of people but only have sex with one or two of them. You can be an ace who experiences romantic attraction but almost rarely becomes sexually attracted to people unless you get really emotionally attached to them, which is also known as demisexual. (This basically describes what I am. I generally like to refer to myself as an ace with exceptions. Meaning the exception is my boyfriend who I've been dating for over a year, since I've obviously gotten very romantically attached to him, but he's the only exception I've come across thus far in my nearly 21 years of life.)
I've done my best to elaborate on what I know about the inside scoop on the lives of asexuals, being (mostly) one myself. However if you want even further elaboration because you wonder if you may be asexual and are trying to figure yourself out, have any asexual friends, or are just burning with desire for more fun facts about us (because let's face it, we're quite fun people) here are some good resources to help you fulfill that curiosity.
But one thing is for certain: all aces, no matter where they fall on the spectrum or how much sex they have (or don't have) or what they choose to label themselves (or if they choose to label themselves at all), are still equally valid no matter what. We're just normal people deserving of love and acceptance.
And you, reading this? Whatever you happen to identify as, you deserve love and acceptance too.
