This past week was the RNC, or the Republican National Circus, and while no part of the week was meant to be a joke, it still left the American public thinking, "Are you kidding me?”
If you didn’t tune in to the antics that occurred in Cleveland, here’s a recap.
The convention started out strong Monday night with myriad of speakers who would have no other reason to all be in a room together. It wasn’t just senators and representatives who were there to support the presumptive, or presumptuous rather, Republican nominee, but reality show personalities and former underwear models. It takes every kind of people.
But the act that stole the show that night was Mrs. Melania Trump. Her husband introduced her; he emerged from a cloud of smoke as “We Are the Champions” blared in the background, much to the chagrin of Queen. Melania’s dress, a $2,190 Roksanda Ilinic creation that sold out online within minutes of her speech, almost overshadowed the fact that her speech was plagiarized.
The lunacy continued into night two, when the theme of the night was “Make America Work Again.” The night might as well have remained themeless, as not one speaker talked about jobs or the economy, choosing instead to bash Hillary Clinton to a pulp. One of the videos shown that night was entitled “Hil-LIAR-y.” Is that a working title?
Governor Chris Christie gave more of a prosecution than a speech, leading the audience-turned-jury in chants of Guilty! as he listed off her crimes. Dr. Ben Carson reminded us why he didn’t make it to the end of the presidential race, saying that he doesn’t like to be “politically correct.” Since when does that disqualify you?
This was also the night that Trump’s children began to show the human side of their father. Donald Trump, Jr. showed us that his father taught them the value of hard work, the importance of staying grounded, and how to recreate his exact hand gestures while delivering a speech.
Night three started with a bang, or what people on Twitter considered a hiel. Political commentator Laura Ingraham raised her arm to wave to the audience, and an unfortunate camera angle and lack of a bent elbow led the audience to believe that she was imitating a Nazi salute. Come on, people. Except for the alt-right, it’s not that kind of convention.
The attention was redirected when Senator Ted Cruz skipped out on endorsing Trump, earning him a chorus of “boos” for breaking a political pinky swear. Talk about the real elephant in the room. Cruz defended his performance, refusing to support someone who insulted his wife and father. And I get it. I’d be offended too if someone pinned my dad as an accomplice to the assassination of the most handsome president in U.S. history.
The last standout of the night occurred after Trump’s VP pick Mike Pence spoke. Their stiff smooch has now become one of the best GIFs of all time. Trump, a self-declared germaphobe, is notorious for loathing handshakes, but his well-intentioned alternate gesture went awry when the conservative Pence averted the maneuver.
The final night of the convention is when the American people were treated to over an hour of “We’re gonna win this thing,” “Defeat the enemy,” and “Believe me folks, believe me.”
Ivanka Trump had the honor of introducing her father, and while she may actually be a Democrat, she’s no fool. The businesswoman marketed her convention look on Twitter the next day, her “ sophisticated pink sheath dress” also selling out in no time. If nothing else, the Trumps are at least supporting the fashion economy.
The Master of Ceremonies himself, Donald Trump, accepted the Republican nomination for President of the United States, something that America has been joking about for the past two decades. To all of the people who threatened to move to Canada when this happened: now is your moment.
Trump told America “I am your voice,” and obviously really liked the sound of it, as his speech clocked in at 76 minutes. It’s the longest address of its kind since 1972.
And of course, what would a GOP convention be without a bunch of white people dancing? Gratuitous clips of groove-less attendees filled the gaps of the broadcast and showed us that Republicans are there for more than one thing. I can’t decide if its good or bad that the people deciding on legislature can’t do the stanky leg to save their lives.
The question remains—will the DNC bring a fresh crowd of monkeys and clowns or will the Dems keep it snow-cone chill? Already knowing that the First Lady speech is coming from a man for the first time in history, I'm sure we'll find some entertainment somehow.
