I am a self-proclaimed, bra-burning (just kidding) feminist. I praise Gloria Steinem and Roxane Gay and have dreams of dismantling the patriarchy. I hope to be an advocate for equality, whether people choose to recognize that they want it or not. I don’t believe in a “correct” career for women and that housewives are just as noble as engineers.

But every Monday night, I sit and watch 25 women vie for the heart of a man who is above average in looks and (usually) below average in heart and mind. The main problem with this show is not that one man is seen as the ultimate prize (though, that isn’t a great aspect) but more so that it promotes the idea that in order to find love and happiness, women must be pit against each other. The same is true for “The Bachelor”’s sister show, The Bachelorette. 25 men vying for the heart of one woman, knocking each other down in the process, is just as un-feminist as the reverse situation for all the same reasons.

Feminism is about lifting each other up and being there for one another. It is not about sitting across the room from your fellow woman or man and analyzing everything wrong with them in order to increase your own confidence about whether or not you are deserving of some quasi-celerity’s love. The problem with “The Bachelor” franchise is that people are expected to knock each other down in order to win— not love or a lifetime of happiness, but the attention of a mostly arbitrary person.

Realistically, it would be pretty rare for a group of 25 people, recruited by Hollywood casting agents, to be legitimately in love with the same person— whom they have never met. When the men or women arrive at The Bachelor[ette]’s Malibu mansion and step out of the limo, there is no possible way that they are in love with whoever is standing there, no matter how many seasons they’ve been on or how close they came to “finding love” in the past. Yet, every single season, after the initial greeting, the contestants all sit inside, fueled by white wine, and discuss how in love they are and everything they would do in order to be the last woman standing.

So, this franchise stands for everything I, like many feminists, stand firmly against. But week after week, smart, motivated men and women that dream of the day the patriarchy is dismantled tune in and allow the show to continue to rake in some of the highest ratings in reality television. Why do we keep watching?

Well, I know why I watch. The Bachelor doesn’t seem real to me. Nick Viall is just a character in some strange romantic comedy and the women are his supporting actresses. People sign up for the show for the theatrics, finding something that resembles love along the way is just a perk— I mean look at the success rate of couples coming out of this franchise; most of them broke up within 6 months of airing, but their presence is still felt in the reality television sphere.

Watching “The Bachelor” is a momentary escape from reality (despite its categorization as reality television) to see what life might be like if society were even more unequal. I don’t fear that one day 24 of my friends or acquaintances will try and steal my boyfriend and it doesn’t seem realistic to say that people are getting ideas about how to treat one another from watching a reality show based on a ridiculous premise. If “The Bachelor” were any less ridiculous or feigned resemblance to anything that could actually happen outside of the heavily produced, artfully edited, and completely unrealistic world of ABC, I might proceed with more caution.