I know many of us see abortion in different ways. We all have opinions on this topic and a lot of times discussions about it can get a little outrageous. I just want to share this story, because I have noticed it seems like a lot of us forget that this isn't just an issue or something we have an opinion about. There is always a person at the end of every issue. A human who is making the best choice for themselves. I hope this can remind anyone reading that above all we should be loving everyone we come in contact with, even if we disagree with them. This is Bethany's story.
On March 25, 2013, I was around 6 weeks pregnant. I had started to run a fever, I was in pain and also had some other symptoms that started to make me worry so I went to the doctor to have an ultrasound done. The video was facing away from me but I heard a heart beat. It was faint but it still made me feel better to know everything was okay. The tech turned off the sound and said, you're pregnant with twins! She had a puzzled look on her face but I thought maybe it was because she wasn't expecting it... I was completely overwhelmed and asked her if I could go outside and tell my partner at the time. She said sure but to come back in afterward because I still needed to see the doctor. She printed out a pretty little picture with two babies in it! All within the few moments, it took to get to the car, the overwhelming terror of having twins turned into joy. We spoke about it for awhile and although we were nervous, we were happy. It definitely wasn't something we had planned.
When I walked back in I sat in a comfy room with couches and a TV. The doctor came in and had the worst news I could possibly have imagined. There was a tear in the sack and the twin closest to it did not have a heartbeat. My uterus was going septic. That's why I was running a fever and in pain. My heart sank, I felt like throwing up. I was in shock and didn't know what this all meant. What about the other baby? The one who's heartbeat I heard... worse news, because they were both in the same sack they recommended that I terminate the pregnancy within 24 hours. Baby B had no chance of survival and my body couldn't deliver them naturally without the infection being bad enough to ultimately kill me. I felt so low and defeated that I had to abort one baby after losing one [the] second before.
Abortion is never something I agreed with. To me, although I was only six weeks pregnant, they were my babies. My world. My future. My whole heart repositioned itself to two tiny living babies with their own hearts right where I would carry them for the next eight months and the rest of my life. I loved them with my whole heart. And it was shattered that day... even though they said I needed to do this within the next day, I couldn't do it.
By March 28th, I kept getting sicker and at this point, I was running a 104.7 degree fever. I didn't care. I didn't want to live. If killing my baby meant me surviving, it wasn't worth it. But I realized that I was already raising a little boy whom I loved as my own. Who called me mommy. So I went back to the clinic. My doctor's office didn't do abortions so I was referred out.
Abortion... such a horrible word choice. As if I didn't feel bad enough that my body was rejecting the pregnancy. But because I was pregnant with twins, that's what it was called. A spontaneous abortion. I hated myself for going. While I was there, they asked me if I would sign a letter. One that they sent to the government for Women who are pro-choice. I signed it, thinking that if this wasn't legal I may be dead...
Following that I was brought into a room where I was given anxiety medication and then they sedated me. Well, I woke up in the middle of the procedure. Part of me doesn't want to tell you the nightmare that I experienced that day. A memory so vivid it'll be burned into my mind forever. It was more disturbing than I can even put into words. I was traumatized. The procedure was almost through and the doctor said it was too late for more anesthesia and I had to bare through it or it could cause more health problems. He finished and they rolled me out to the truck. I was completely lost.
I went home and the fever worsened. I was so sick I had to go to the hospital. I waited too long and the infection perplexed the doctors. It wasn't done completely and I then had to have a d&c. I was admitted the day before Easter. I was told that I would most likely never be able to carry a baby again due to the damage everything had caused. I was completely devastated and destroyed. It took a very long time to get over most of what this put me through mentally and emotionally. It took a lot of faith and personal promises I received from God to get me past it. But today I'm still here. Today my body is repaired and I know I will have a baby one day.
The reason I'm sharing this is because of all the political issues going on. I want to raise awareness. I don't know how one candidate thinks it's okay to abort at all much less into the third trimester. But I don't wish for it to be completely illegal either, only in circumstances like these. All I can hope and pray for is that whoever is president next will seriously debate the medical problems that could come from this. That under certain circumstances like mine, the options need to be heavily weighed and needs to be done by a surgeon. Not someone who just sucks out babies for a living. I was in the wrong hands due to what my procedure was classified as and it ruined my life for a long time.
The law for abortion to be legal isn't a blunt answer. There needs to be a middle ground because the last thing that is okay is to cut off a babies only life support because you don't think you can raise a baby or because you don't want to ruin your body. What I saw that day and what was done to us, wasn't humane. It wasn't done gently or with much care.
As for everyone I know who has gotten an abortion for wrong reasons, most felt horrible. Most felt like they made the wrong decision and wouldn't do it again. Some felt no remorse at all. But you know what else isn't okay? The people who stood outside yelling at me that I made the wrong choice. The people who called me a murderer when they had no clue why I was there. So please, share your opinions on this matter with care and a gentle voice. It broke my heart into more pieces than I could ever get back or glue back together. But I had God. And every day I thank him for the life I still have. I thank him for taking my precious lives and keeping them in heaven for me to see one day.
I'm not a political person by any means. But for those of you that are, I hope you remember this letter when you go to vote. I can't help but think that if the laws were different about this, maybe this story would have gone differently. Maybe it'll help someone rethink a decision they don't want to make.
- Bethany V.
