Amid standardized testing, resume building, and trying to maintain at least a semblance of a life, high school seniors are tortured with the thought that even their best efforts may not be quite good enough to get into the college of their choice. Now, as the college admissions season winds down, some would say that there are two destinies: success or failure.
Regardless of how many people have told you that “you’re a winner no matter what,” they’re wrong. You aren’t a winner and that’s OK. Truthfully, in one way or another, you have accomplished something great. Filling out applications, whether it was one, two, or 25, is an impressive feat which you should be proud of.
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If you opened up an acceptance letter to your dream school, congratulations! Your hard work has paid off and you have my complete permission to bask in your glory until the end of your days.
However, if you’re like me circa 2014, opening up a letter that you knew would be a rejection felt similar to stepping on a pile of rust-infested nails and needing a tetanus shot afterward.
To my fellow rejectees, you didn’t fail, but the pain is real. To help you understand college rejection and, consequently, learn to cope, I’ve broken down the methods into Kubler-Ross’ Stages of Grief.
1. Denial
This is the opening-the-letter-and-ripping-it-to-shreds-while-screaming-at-your-parents-at-the-top-of-your-lungs stage. Have no fear, your shrieks were only heard as far as Germany. The sound waves didn’t make it to China. Blaming your rejection on everyone except yourself (your college adviser, dad, great-aunt, guinea pig) is normal. Sometimes the sheer surprise of seeing the big fat “we regret to inform you...” on the page is enough to make your eyes bleed. On a side note, I sincerely apologize for causing your mom’s premature deafness.
2. Anger
If you don’t have four broken windows, a bed full of featherless pillows or a lack of eyebrows from a recent onset of trichotillomania, you’re doing better than I ever did. Anger comes in all varieties. Whether you prefer beating gashes into your wall or blow-torching every college brochure within a 50-mile radius, nothing is wrong. You do you. All ways of handling your rage are OK by me. Give me a call and I’ll give you the number for my shrink.
3. Bargaining
It's a way of psyching yourself out that your grief will be handled if your dad makes your favorite spaghetti dish for dinner. If you didn’t get into Harvard, that's no problem as long as you get a new wardrobe. Personally, I would be completely fine with bartering my little brother’s kidney for acceptance into my dream school.
4. Depression
This is the perfect stage in which to eat yourself into a food coma for all of eternity. Bring on the Chick-Fil-A, Ben & Jerry’s, Cheetos, and obesity! Your ultimate sadness can, in fact, be cured by gaining at least 100 pounds. Don’t forget, Weight Watchers doesn’t send out rejection letters!
5. Acceptance
Although it may take a few days, weeks, or decades, you will eventually be at peace with the ugly truth of reality. As Tracy Mayor said in a New York Times article, “Know that you are going to thrive wherever you end up.” Reflecting back on my personal experience, I wasn’t accepted into my dream school, but now I couldn’t be happier. Just know amid your grief and pain that everything happens for a reason and the best is yet to come.
