Every person you meet has the capability to change your life. Be it a small change or a big one, every action has an impact. I got to thinking about this the other day as I scrolled through everyone's Facebook feeds seeing their engagements, newborns, etc. Out of all of the people that I've dated not one has amounted to something more than a dodged bullet. It often feels like all of that time I spent on another person was completely wasted. But at this ripe old age of 21 years old (sarcasm) I'm starting to realize that every single thing happens for a reason. With that being said, I thought it'd be interesting to take a look at every guy that I've ever dated, starting from the very moment that I started dating, and look into what I learned from that relationship. So here is a list of the guys I've been with, how old I was, how long we were together and the most valuable lessons I learned from them (names included because I'm petty).
1. Brandon, 11 years old (six months)
I told my mom that I wouldn't date until college because that's when people start to get married. That went out the window when I found out that a boy liked me for the first time. This was of course a pointless romance (I was 11 after all), but it taught me that I shouldn't be embarrassed for having a crush. Up until this point it was gross to like a boy, but I finally hit the age where cooties weren't really a thing anymore (in all fairness, they were still a thing but they were actually called STDs).
2. Joel, 11 years old (six months)
So this relationship is a total exception to the whole learning thing. I've thought about it all day long and I can't come up with a single thing that I could have taken from this. Joel asked me out in the lunch room with a note so I could check yes or no, and we may have spoken two or three times throughout those six months. It was the silliest thing ever, and it honestly makes me want to bury my head in a pillow talking about it.
3. Anthony, 12 years old (three months)
I ended up switching schools so Anthony and I had to become "long distance." However, his cell phone number changed as soon as I left. So I guess the lesson here is make sure your freaking phone works (millennials, am I right?).
4. Trey, 12 years old (six months)
Trey just had bad idea written all over it. But alas, I was a kid and was excited that boys were starting to notice me. Trey asked me out through a note (minus the check yes or no option), and I said yes because I was an idiot. I didn't even know his last name. I was at my new school for maybe two weeks. But he ended up teaching me how to kiss (cringe cringe cringe). He also taught me how to notice red flags. Our principle found condoms in his locker (I had only learned what those were a year prior and definitely had no intention of putting them to use) and thought that we had some devious plan to have sex at school (just to clarify, I went to a rough middle school). I unknowingly had my first run in with a f*ckboy.
5. Will, 13 years old (three months)
I wasn't really into Will much at all, but everyone kept telling me that we were so cute together. So of course my naive self said yes when he asked me out, but eventually I learned that dating just because other people want you to was a dumb idea. The poor guy simply annoyed the crap out of me.
6. Michael, 13 years old (six months)
This was another case of dating someone just because he liked me. I grew to like him back, enough so that he convinced me to send him a picture in my bra which inevitably was shown to his friends. So two lessons here: don't date someone just because you have the option, and never send nudes (even if you're a flat chested 13-year-old in a sports bra).
7. Devon, 13 years old (three months)
This was my first true love. I dated Devon because I genuinely liked him and enjoyed being with him. I loved his family and they loved me, and we were inseparable. Then he randomly broke up with me because he was "too busy." So I instantly learned that sometimes guys just don't have the balls to break up with you for a valid reason.
8. Devon (again), 14 years old (one month)
Yeah, we got back together. He apologized a while after and admitted he was just being stupid (as if I didn't already know that). But, we went to different high schools and he apparently kissed someone else. So at least 14-year-old me was smart enough to kick him to the curb. I learned how crappy it felt to be cheated on, and it was enough to never make me want to do that to someone else.
9. David, 15 years old (three months)
As a friend, David was great. As a boyfriend, he was obnoxious and low key wanted to get in my pants every time we hung out alone. I broke up with him because he invited a girl to come over because his parents weren't home, but I had secretly been looking for a reason to get rid of him because I only started dating him because my mom wanted me to. I have never dated someone because my mom liked him since then (love you, Mom, but so not worth it).
10. Josh, 15 years old (three months)
Josh was a sweet guy, but this was the one time that I started dating someone because I thought that he was cute. He didn't do anything wrong, I was just bored out of my mind with him. I quickly learned looks aren't everything.
11. Devon (again), 16 years old (four months)
Bad habits die hard, am I right? Devon overlapped with Josh a bit, something I'm not very proud of. But his grandmother had just died and I wanted to be there for him. That turned into me remembering all the reasons I had loved him. We got back together but I finally stopped getting so caught up in him and accepted the fact that your first love isn't always your only love.
12. Chris, 16 years old (four months)
If you ask anyone in my family or anyone that knew me in high school, they'll tell you that this relationship ended badly because Chris was three years older than me. That's a super long story in itself, but what I got out of this was that just because a guy is older it doesn't mean his maturity level will be any higher.
13. Seth, 16 years old (eight months)
Seth made me laugh during times that I didn't feel like I could. I really loved that about him. I actually made the first move with him, and we had a really great relationship for a while. I was just maturing whereas I felt like he wasn't. The spark died out, and I realized it was OK to break up with someone because you're just not feeling it anymore.
14. Gavin, 17/18 years old (one year and six months)
This was the big one for me. It was the relationship that showed me I didn't know as much about love as I thought I did. There was always talk of us being together but it never happened until our senior year of high school. We were together almost everyday, and we never grew tired of each other. Each day brought something new and I was on cloud nine every time I was with him, and I never had to worry about whether he felt the same way... until I left for college. I didn't realize how much he depended on me to keep him out of trouble. When I left he went into a downward spiral that even I couldn't pull him out of. It hurt every bone in my body to end it, but he was starting to take me down with him and I couldn't let that happen. He still hasn't fully gotten back on the right path. That was the first time I genuinely put myself first and understood that you can't be with someone if they can't stand up on their own two feet.
15. Jahi, 19/20 years old (one year)
In all fairness, we weren't really official for the first six months or so, but we weren't seeing other people either. Jahi was my polar opposite. We came from completely different backgrounds and had totally different priorities when it came to our life goals. We really shouldn't have worked so well together but we did. But eventually he started taking advantage of how wholeheartedly I came to love him, even after telling him how Gavin had done the same thing. Breaking up with him was hard, but I didn't cry. I knew that I was right in knowing that I didn't deserve to be taken advantage of.
So there you have it, folks. Not only did I come to realize that all of my misfortunes taught me something important, I became super proud of myself for remembering all of my middle school boyfriends. I've been single since 2015, and after writing up this list I'm thinking single doesn't look so bad on me.