Have you ever heard of psychological abuse? What about mental or emotional abuse? It's real, and people are not always clear about what those words mean or the impact they can have. There is a dictionary definition of psychological abuse is, (important to note that it is also referred to as psychological violence, emotional abuse or mental abuse), a form of abuse, characterized by a person subjecting, or exposing, another person to behavior that may result in psychological trauma, including anxiety, chronic depression, or post-traumatic stress disorder.

So what does that mean through the eyes of someone who's being psychologically abused?

It starts off with little comments you wouldn't think too much about, something you wouldn't think would hurt you but is repeated over and over again. It can be as simple as someone telling you, "Your teeth are crooked, they need to be fixed," and then holding your face so you know they are staring into your possibly crooked teeth. It could be something even as simple as saying "Why are your eyes that color? No one in our family has that color eyes." They don't seem like big problems until you hear it year after year, and it never seems like it will end.

Then they tell you what you can and can't succeed at even if you were to train for that activity, it can be acting, singing, playing instruments, writing, or any other hobby you enjoy. They crush all hope for it. They make sure you feel like you say to yourself "Why try? I'll never be good enough anyways, I just won't do it." Even if you're good at it and people compliment you all the time about it, you can just hear them in your head, "You'll never be good enough. Don't listen to people, they're wrong. You're not good at this at all."

You know the feeling of walking on egg shells? That's a continuous feeling whenever you're around them. Even when they're gone, you still feel like they'll somehow know if you do something they would disapprove of. It's this paranoia, that they're always watching so you can't break their rules. If they say you can't eat food between lunch and dinner, you don't do it. If they say don't open your mouth to sing, even in the car, you do exactly that. You never sing. Because no matter how many times you tell yourself that they aren't even there. You just tell yourself, "They'll know. I won't do it because they'll find out and I don't want to be there when they do."

That's one of the worse feelings, is thinking, "What if I disobey them?" They've told you what happens when you don't listen to them, you've probably had some almost situations. They may never actually lay a finger on you but you fear them as if they do. Everyday you do everything they would approve of and hope for the best, because no one would want to be around for the day you slip up and they find out.

Another subject some psychological abusers love to throw out there because it's so easy to get in your head about, your body. You hear all the time how "We need to love our bodies and understand perfection is never achieved, it's all photo-shopped and it's a shame we feel like we need to look like the impossible," but that doesn't matter to them. They want you to feel like the elephant in the room. Were you underweight your whole life? That's not what they told you. Do you hear that your skinny? That's not what they told you. They photo-shop your life to fit their view of perfection and tell you exactly what's wrong with your body to your face. You think you're critical of yourself? Wait until every flaw you're thinking about is told to your face. Your thighs touch, you have a belly, your arms jiggle, you have too many freckles, your face isn't the right shape, your eyes aren't the right color. They say it enough times you start to think it without them even being there.

Even if you try to tell them that you're trying to improve yourself, they won't care. The abuser just wants you to constantly feel pain. It's like they know when you find it hard to get up every morning and put an outfit together and go out into public with a smile on your face. They almost love it more then seeing the hurt on your face when they tell you the bullsh*t lies. The worst part about it all, one day it just hits you like a ton of bricks. They never loved you. You have this realization one day that they don't want you to be happy, they don't want you to succeed. The worst part, is you realize they don't want you, they don't want anything to do with you and they never will. They beg for you to see them so they can keep the abuse going. They want to be able to torture you for however long it pleases them.

What does this do the person being abused? You feel like trusting people is impossible, no matter how much they show that they're there for you. You never try anything outside your comfort zone because they took away that lust for it. Did you want lunch? You do, but you convince yourself that food is standing between you and their love. So you stop eating most of your meals, or all of them. Do you think you have friends? They convinced you that everyone feels pity for you and no one is truly your friend. So you don't tell anyone how horrible you feel everyday. You put on this fake smile and pretend that life's great.

If you know of somebody who went through their own version of psychological abuse, because everyone goes through it differently, understand it takes time for them to progress into a better version of themselves. There's a huge chance they can be going through depression, eating disorders, anxiety, and even PTSD. Just be there, most of the time, just being there for them is enough to help. Remember, a little progress is still progress, and be proud of the little achievements you make. Even the smallest achievement can make a huge impact.