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Politics

15 Things I Would Rather Have For President Than Donald Trump

There's a laundry list.

Symone Leonard

Jan 23, 2017

University of South Florida

15 Things I Would Rather Have For President Than Donald Trump

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As of January 20, 2017, Donald Trump has been sworn in as our new President of the United States. Personally, I am not excited. I've made my opinions on the new president very clear, and I feel the same way about his new cabinet picks as I do about him—I am displeased. So in good humor and good fun, I have compiled a list of 15 things that I would rather have as a president than Donald J. Trump.

1. The caterpillar that looks like his hair.

While I'm not 100 percent sure, I feel like this caterpillar from South America would do an infinitely better job.

2. A literal toddler.

Our new president already has the temperament of a toddler, so this wouldn't be too far off. The toddler might make less racist/xenophobic/sexist comments.

3. President Schwarzenegger from "The Simpsons Movie."

He was elected to lead, not to read. While he did get all of Springfield put under quarantine, still preferable than Trump.

4. Stubbs the Cat.

The small town of Talkeetna, Alaska has elected Stubbs thecat as their mayor for the past 19 years.

I can think of no one more qualified to lead the free world.

5. This dog wearing a suit.

Okay so I may have spoken too soon. This sharply dressed pup is infinitely more qualified than Stubbs, sorry Stubbs. 10/10 would elect.

6. Richard Nixon's head.

But only his head. I don't want the rest of him. If his head is attached to his body, he has no chance of winning.

7. That kid who really likes turtles.

"What are your views on foreign policy?" "I like turtles."

8. Cory Baxter.

It's time to put Cory back in the house! #CoryInTheHouse2020

9. President/Mr. Garrison.

While he is a bit (read:a LOT)

more offensive than Trump, somehow still preferable. Vice President Jenner definitely included.

10. Pedro.

Not only does he have really cool campaign T-shirts and buttons, he offers you his protection. And would most likely have Napoleon Dynamite as his vice president and who doesn't want that?

11. The Zodiac Killer.

AKA Senator Ted Cruz. Okay, I know Ted Cruz probably isn't the Zodiac Killer but I just couldn't help myself.

12. Kanye West.

All I have to say about this is #Kanye2020.

13. Professor Umbridge.

The most hated woman, nay character, in the entire "Harry Potter" universe. Still better than Trump.

14. Team Rocket.

Prepare for trouble America, and better make it double

15. Darth Vader

Bonus points if Kylo Ren is his tantrum-throwing VP.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

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Recommended for you

15 Things I Would Rather Have For President Than Donald Trump

There's a laundry list.

1. The caterpillar that looks like his hair.

2. A literal toddler.

3. President Schwarzenegger from "The Simpsons Movie."

4. Stubbs the Cat.

5. This dog wearing a suit.

6. Richard Nixon's head.

7. That kid who really likes turtles.

8. Cory Baxter.

9. President/Mr. Garrison.

10. Pedro.

11. The Zodiac Killer.

12. Kanye West.

13. Professor Umbridge.

14. Team Rocket.

15. Darth Vader

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Normal people wouldn't understand

1. Having time to nap between classes or at all.

2. Waking up 10 minutes before your class starts and making it there in time.

3. Making it to class in general

4. Only having to hit the snooze button three times.

5. When you didn't do the homework and the teacher decides not to collect it for that day.

6. Getting that "I'm sorry, but class is cancelled" email.

7. Finding a quiet seat in the library.

8. Actually enjoying a class and understanding all of the material.

9. Having a friend to eat lunch with.

10. Finishing an assignment before the due date.

11. When there is free food on campus.

Becuase of all things to be addicted to, you're addicted to making money.

1. You can't remember your last day off.

2. Whenever someone asks to hang out, you're working.

3. When you do see your friends, you're in a "treating mood."

4. You work so much you don't have time to spend the money you're making.

5. You're too tired to function when you aren't working.

6. Finally seeing your friends and having way too much to catch up on.

A summer well spent.

1. How to shower in less than 10 minutes.

2. Being comfortable sweating, like all the time.

3. The beauty of not wearing makeup.

4. Naps are essential for survival.

5. Even extreme extroverts need alone time.

6. How to remember names in a few short hours.

7. The freedom in sharing your faults.

8. Showering every day is not necessary.

9. Fake it til you make it.

10. Bugs are the enemy.

83% of my trends in college would have been shamed in high school.

1. Eat

2. Be seen running across campus

3. Sleep

4. Skip Class

5. Blurt out

6. Wear dresses

7. Wear Crocs

8.Run on 4 hours of sleep

9. Use a Laptop

10. Crying

Because smiling gives you wrinkles.

1. “When I first met you, I thought you were a b*tch.”

2. Somebody asks you if you’re mad at them at least once a day.

3. You always look unamused. Even when you are very amused.

4. Anna Wintour is your spirit animal.

5. You are never approached by people who are tabling on campus.

6. You have to practice smiling before you get your photo taken.

7. The word “judgmental” is thrown at you on the daily.

8. You make people visibly uncomfortable in section by glancing at them.

9. Your parents thought that this was just part of a teenage phase, but this is actually just your face.

10. Your face could get you out of jury duty.

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