Like many younger siblings, I always looked up to my older sister. I fought to be just like her; the way she dressed, acted, spoke, and even the sports she played. I had her teach me how to do my make-up, just like hers; how to flatiron curl my hair to perfection, just like hers. I dyed my hair so it would be dark-brown, just like hers. To put it in to understandable terms, she was the Regina George of my life: if she were to wear army pants and flip-flops, so would I.
Unfortunately, I apparently did this too well because growing up I was always compared to her. Whatever she accomplished I had to accomplish, and, sometimes, do it better. Everything I did from getting straight A's in school to being on the middle school basketball team, she had already “been there and done that."
I remember once in 8th grade, I had been exhausted from playing basketball almost every week since I began the sport. I told my parents I wanted to quit playing to which they reluctantly allowed me to “think about it." While I “pondered" whether or not I wanted to quit the sport that made me dread my weekends (knowing that they would be completely dedicated to traveling and competing) they had apparently spread the word to everyone in our community. I had coaches I had never even played for approach me in public asking why I wanted to quit when I had “so much potential," and that I was built to play. JUST. LIKE. MY. SISTER.
This wasn't the only incident of me coming to learn I was supposedly my older sibling reincarnated. Oh no. I never had a single teacher not call me “Courtney" at some point in the school year. Now, don't get me wrong, having her pave the way for me had its perks. Without her, I probably never would have had the leniency of certain teachers who let me be extremely smart-mouthed in class (I probably pushed the limits of being sent to the principal's office a time or two). Plus, all of the expectations to be just like her really did push me to be better at everything I did. However, all this being said, I never really was able to establish my own identity.
When it came time to decide which college I would attend after I graduated high school, I really had one of two options: I could attend IU, just like Courtney, and be miserable, just like Courtney, or I could attend Purdue, and make my own successes and mistakes in a school she hasn't treaded all over. I went out of my comfort zone and committed to Purdue (with a little nudge from my best friend who would be attending in the fall as well).
Going into my senior year here, I can proudly say, making my own path at Purdue has helped me grow as a person. I've accomplished so many “big girl" tasks that four years ago I would have just sat and cried while asking my parents to do them for me. I have joined a sorority. I obtained a job that I didn't have to name-drop my sister to acquire. I even learned how to apply for a social security card and passport (I have a tendency to throw away documents without looking at them). I have a lot of growing I still need to do, but I now have the confidence that there is nothing that can be thrown at me that I can't overcome. I will learn. I will persevere. And, in the end, it will be another momentous occasion that will allow me to grow as a person.
After it's all said and done, yes, I have cried. Yes, I have questioned my decisions. I have contemplated ever coming to Purdue, and whether or not I would be able to accomplish anything in life. I have wondered if I should just give up and live in my parents' home forever. I still have doubts today about my future. But, it's true what they say: “what doesn't kill you makes you stronger." Today, my sister is my best friend, I know what I want to do in life, and I have a pretty clear idea on how to get there. I'm happy that I chose not to follow in my sister's footsteps. I love her and I'm proud of everything she's accomplished, but I also know she loves me, too, and I hope she can look at her little sister and be proud that I was able to “do me" and make my own way in life.
