The illustrious bowl cut has had an eventful history being sported by the Beatles and dish enthusiasts alike. Many Americans have hard set opinions about the matter. The questions still stands: To bowl cut or to not bowl cut? An expert on the subject of having a bowl cut, who decided to remain anonymous for the purpose of this article, recently enlightened me on how the experience of getting a different haircut changed him as a person.

There are no statistics available for the average age a man or woman decides they have a little bowl-in-the-soul in our country, but I allege that they aren't necessary. Thousands find themselves in the same bind of having always had this very same hair cut. The expert witness to the fashion crime (who will be referred to as Juicebox) explained to a tantalized audience early this past Sunday morning that the bowl cut appeared, "pretty much the day I was born" though when questioned about the possibility of his being born to his mother with a head full of bowl cut his only comment was, "I don't believe so."

The planet we all share often finds itself festering with pests-- yes, I'm talking about bullies. Juicebox reluctantly opened up about his past whenever the subject turned to this dark page of the story. Despite the situation seeming like it, "[Was] not really that big of a deal to [Juicebox]," sources confirmed that actually, some people have indeed made fun of his bold bowl cut before. There were no reported good outcomes that directly resulted from the bowl cut diagnosis, while indirect pleasantries were probably not a statistical benefit of the cut. Unfortunately for Juicebox, "Emotionally, I don't think it helped. It was definitely a dividing factor." His family divided cannot stand. In spite of numerous discussions about how the divorce wasn't his fault, he knew in both his heart and his father's own words that it was the hair cut's.

Influence to change does not arise so simply for others like it did for Juicebox. He felt that his life was changing regardless of his own actions so the pursuit of a new hair cut for his personal repertoire allows him to reflect the person he is now. The life he leads follows the tau of organized shambles, mixing together an unsolved puzzle as the edges sort themselves out. A family history of the double-trouble of bowl cuts and mullets could not hamper his personal journey of hair styling at a spry 17, following his previously bowl cut brother's footsteps. His family was supportive and they're on pleasant terms. He doesn't "Blame my mother for my bowl cut. If I had had the courage to change it sooner, she would have let me."

Finally, in an effort to understand how far he had come throughout the past year or so we discussed a series of questions. Certain character traits seem to align with different hair history. For instance, I've never had a bowl cut and my favorite Greek mythological character is Artemis because that is a safe, tasteful choice. My former bowl cut tainted friend decided, "I can relate to Prometheus a lot, because he made a bad decision and I also made a bad decision-- keeping the bowl cut as long as I did. Instead of getting my liver eaten by a crow daily I had my dignity slowly stripped from me." What I was not aware of before writing this article and what Juicebox was pleased to discover is that the bowl cut was allegedly the pique of European fashion between the 12th and the 15th centuries.

Like many misunderstood past-culture enthusiasts before him Juicebox was born in the wrong generation. Other witticisms collected from this encounter include the fact that sleep is for the weak and those which bowl cuts, which is inherently redundant; whenever Juicebox extinguished his bowl cut his muscle mass increased by 43%; and that this article is only the second most embarrassing thing to have happened to him. The first of which being a bowl cut.

Long story short: Do not bowl cut.