Last Wednesday, while waiting for the 57 bus, a student residing in Brighton complained about how far removed her apartment is from campus. If she were to walk home, it would take over an hour. I tried to empathize with her but let's just say this attempt backfired.
"That must be difficult," I said to her.
"Yeah, it's the worst," she grumbled.
I then told her where I live--slightly past West Campus.
Sneering, she replied, "Oh, that's not that far. You could walk."
Despite the amount of compassion I had shown her earlier in the conversation, she certainly did not reciprocate. I met her off-handed comment with a smile and explained how I was cold and that it had been a long day. Looking back now I realize I did not need to justify my actions to this stranger, but the guilt-trip she was trying to take me on made me feel much obliged.
Due to her crass attitude, the reasons I provided were not completely truthful. I did not tell her about my chronic illness, which was the main reason why I decided to take the bus that night. This young lady assumed that I was capable of walking home because I looked fine, not considering that many people suffer from health issues that lie beneath the surface. This is a classic example of ableism.
You may be asking yourself, am I an ableist? Here are some classic signs that you might be:
1. You think that everyone should be able to do what you can, no questions asked.
2. You tell a person who is suffering that they "look fine", or shame them because their illness is invisible.
3. You do not believe accommodations should be made for those who need assistance.
If you agree with any of the above statements, then you are an ableist. The ableist mentality negatively affects the emotionally and physically disabled on a daily basis. Often people with disabilities are criticized, judged, and deemed as lazy because in some capacity they are incapable of performing at the same level as the non-disabled unless they are provided with the appropriate accommodations.
As a person with a few health-related disabilities, I frequently encounter ableism. Strangers are the worst offenders because they tend to make assumptions about a person's capabilities based on appearance. However, even loving friends and family members can accidentally perpetuate ableism.
Last semester I took a special education course where a very insightful professor emphasized the importance of empathy instead of sympathy for persons with disabilities. Sympathy is feeling bad for someone while empathy is trying to put yourself in someone else's shoes. On Wednesday night I received neither of those and was met with apathy instead.
People have trouble stepping outside of themselves to look at the bigger picture. After all, their life is the only life they've ever known. At the same time, modern day society has become much more accepting of numerous cultures, religions, sexual orientations, and gender identities. This begs the question: if other diverse groups of people are finally starting to be embraced, why are the disabled still met with such indifference?
Here are a few tips to escape the ableist mentality:
1. Never assume what someone is capable or incapable of solely based on their appearance.
2. It is important to provide requested accommodations for people with disabilities but do not hover or overcompensate. Don't offer help that is not asked for or make assumptions that a disabled person automatically needs your assistance. If you are unsure, the safest bet is to ask.
3. There is a difference between disabled and lazy.
4. Be compassionate and empathetic towards everyone, then you will never have to worry about accidentally perpetuating ableism.
5. Respect people with disabilities and treat them as equals, not as "others."
A disability does not mean that someone lacks motivation or determination. A disability is a physical, emotional, or mental handicap that prevents a person from completing tasks the way they would if they did not have that disability. Once the difference between lazy and disabled is clearly distinguished, I am hopeful that people with both visible and invisible disabilities will finally be met with the kindness and respect they deserve.
