This past week, I went to Knotts Berry Farm for the first time. Now, I am a strange person. I see patterns in things that don’t typically lend themselves to patterns. I turn what is supposed to be a fun day riding rides into some big epiphany about myself and life.
I am a strange breed of human called a writer. I mean, what other person uses roller coasters as a means of thinking about themselves and life, and then writes about it. Ladies and Gentlemen welcome to my brain. Now listen up, because I want to learn you somethin’ today!
Apparently, I am terrified of rollercoasters. I love rollercoasters, but they scare the hell out of me. Now that is a natural part of it, they are supposed to frighten you, and that’s what makes them fun. Everyone knows that familiar drop in their stomach when the train is about to leave.
There is always that moment when you realize there is no going back now and you begin to regret even looking at this ride. Then the ride is over, and you begin to realize how much fun you had. Rollercoasters may not be for the faint of heart, but they are for the thrill seekers.
Fear of rollercoasters is a legitimate thing; however, ANXIETY about fearing roller coasters is where we encounter an issue. Anxiety is what kills all the fun. Anxiety is the reason you sit on the bench, eating a churro, and watching your friends have a ball on the ride. Anxiety allows you to feel comfortable but leaves with the regret of not taking the chance in the first place. It’s starting to sound like this concept may not just apply to roller coasters.
As the end of my college program approaches, I’ve been noticing feelings of stress and anxiety mixed with my sense of happiness at going home. I have started having more anxiety attacks while I lay in bed at night and it’s starting to affect me. The other day I was having a conversation with my therapist about my feelings on the end of the program.
She pointed out that,
“Fear is when you are walking down the street and then a snake tries to bite you. Anxiety is when you are worried to even take a walk because you anticipate that a snake may jump out and bite you.”
She also noted that the source of my anxiety is an obsession with the future and my trying to anticipate everything.
I realized this is likely a human thing as well. We all have moments in our life when we are too nervous to get on that one ride because we anticipate the drop in our stomach as we go down that one steep hill; we anticipate the feeling of fear and discomfort, so we don’t even get in line.
We walk right past and later hear from friends how awesome it was and how you couldn’t even feel the drop because it happened so fast. Sound familiar? I’m sure it does. And I also hope it doesn’t, because this is my entire existence and trust me, sometimes it sucks.
Of course, it is only natural to have some reservations about things. A little anxiety is good for all of us, maybe jumping off that bridge isn’t a good idea and anxiety is what tells us that. But maybe that beautiful girl in your college cafeteria is everything you could have dreamed of, but you were too anxious about a possibility of rejection, so you didn’t get in line next to her. We have to be willing to find a balance.
Our anxiety should be a tool to guide us and not to control us. Life is full of roller coasters; we should never have to be too afraid to jump in line and see what happens. There is always a little joy in risk.
