Let me just cut to the chase: I didn’t write a novel this November.
Earlier this month, I wrote an article for Odyssey about how I was going to try to do NaNoWriMo this year. Oddly enough, I wrote that article in the exact same chair I’m sitting in right now. How time flies!
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(You can read my first one about NaNoWriMo here: https://www.theodysseyonline.com/why-im-participat...)
Even while making that first public proclamation of my participation in NaNoWriMo, I was nervous. I was nervous about the idea of so publicly putting my goals out there for people to read and track. Although the best payoff of writing a book is intrinsic, sometimes it’s easy to find yourself drowning in others’ opinions of your writing. That is true of novel-writing, of blog-posting, and of journalism; any manipulation of language, ideas and personality. It’s the nature of our craft.
[And while I’m doing self-promo, let me throw in a semi-shameless plug for my personal blog, infinitelymoreblog.blogspot.com, where I will be discussing this topic more in-depth!)
Back to NaNoWriMo. When I decided to try and do this this year, it was rather last-minute. That is one aspect of my personality that either greatly benefits or greatly depletes me: I make spur-of-the-moment decisions and go with them. This has its benefits in situations like driving, or deciding to join a club I never would have joined then end up loving, or choosing what drink I want from Caribou.
In writing, though, my flying-by-the-seat-of-my-pants mentality is not always so helpful (what does that saying even mean, by the way?). And that’s where my critical error came in this November: I had done little to no planning for this book. I got to around 11,000 words and then realized- I wanted to completely restructure it. I changed the characters’ names. I crafted their backstories as I was writing. It came to the point where every time I sat down to write, I would have to re-read the whole thing to remember what was going on.
It worked for probably the first two weeks! Then a few key events happened: the presidential election, a roadtrip to Nashville, and Daylight Savings (alternately referred to as “the return of SAD”). I don’t want to get political, but I’ll say this much- the election was “distracting” for a lot of us. Then I planned to get a lot of writing done on the road trip the following week, but was stymied by my good friend Dramamine, who helped me not to throw up from carsickness but in the process kept me asleep for at least two-third’s of the trip.
After two weeks separated from the plot, I just didn’t have any motivation to get back into it. There was always an excuse: I needed to do character development, or I just wanted to re-read it, or I had other, more pressing things to work on. All of those things were true at one point or another. And then, the sun started setting earlier and earlier, and there were less hours in the day, and I basically just gave up hope that I was ever going to reach that word count.
I’m sure there are some of you reading this that completed your NaNoWriMo novels. And please take this sincerely: I congratulate you! That is an incredible accomplishment! Best luck on your editing, re-editing, and publishing endeavors. You rock.
To those like me: we’re not hopeless causes. We’re just burnt-out.
What I did do this last month, specifically the past 2 weeks or so, is learn more about this business I’m going into. When I gave up on the “new novel”, I decided to go back and more seriously look at my first one. I have spent hours upon hours researching editors, literary agents and publishers; I have joined writers’ forums and read, re-read, deleted portions of, revised, my first novel. This writing world, it’s a circus! But I’m learning more about how to navigate it every day, and guess what: just because I didn’t write a 50,000 word novel this month, doesn’t mean I’m not gonna finish that novel and publish another one in the process.
Sometimes it takes a “failure” to be able to take a step back and re-prioritize. Publishing my first book is something that is very, very important to me, so I am going to chase that. There will be plenty of time to write “new novel” when I can focus fully on that plot and get invested in those characters. They’re not going anywhere (at least, they better not!). Until then, “old novel” is going to be sitting in the passenger seat with me until it decides to ship itself off to the hands of expectant readers who need to hear it.
So NaNo turned into No-No. Maybe I’ll try again next year, who knows? Until then, remember- it’s okay to embrace your failure. The biggest and best challenge is in seeing how your failure will propel you to future success.
Carry on, writer! Carry on, human! You can accomplish greater things than you can ever imagine. You just gotta believe in yourself.
Sincerely,
Someone Who Understands the Struggle (It is real.)
