I would venture to say that we all take pride in our choice of study. From the hard sciences to the performing arts, we like feeling confident in knowing anything and everything about that particular subject. But truthfully, we can never really know everything, and sometimes we have a hard time admitting that. As an English major, I have compiled a list of things I am embarrassed to admit. If you're an English wiz, you might be able to identify with some of these secret inadequacies. Luckily, you don't have to admit them if you choose not to. I guess this is my way of reaching out and assuring you that you are not alone.
1. I haven't actually read that many books.
Like, okay, yes. I love literature. I love analyzing the genius symbols, motifs, and diction written into a novel or a poem, but the physical act of moving my eyes across a page to be able to do so? Not quite the biggest fan. So while I have read several books, I don't LOVE reading, and there are still plenty of selections on my to-read list.
2. We use the term "writer" loosely.
I would venture to say that most English majors have, on at least one occasion, referred to themselves as a writer. But the truth is, most of us have probably written one short story, a handful of poems, and bulletted list of potential plots for a novel. Max. And they are all in one folder on our laptop, on notes in our iPhone, or in a desk drawer. It is likely that none of them have been published or ever will be. But, nonetheless, we are still "writers."
3. We don't always care about grammar.
I think society places an absurd expectation on English majors. We are watched more closely whenever we post a Facebook status, send a text, or write an Odyssey article. As you can see by my excessive use of FANBOYs to begin a sentence, I DON'T ALWAYS CARE ABOUT USING PROPER GRAMMAR.
4. We don't always know everything about grammar.
I will be honest. If you use the wrong your/you're, I will block your number and unfollow you on Twitter. But at the same time, I will shamefully admit that I don't know the difference between past and passed. I'll get there someday. Maybe.
5. We sometimes hate the classics.
Yes, Shakespeare put his dent in history and was a brilliant writer. There's no denying that... for the most part. Truthfully, sometimes it's just boring gibberish that we don't fully understand.
6. We stretch the symbolism.
Okay F. Scott Fitzgerald. We get it. The green light is supposed to represent wealth, the American Dream, Gatsby's love. At least that's what readers have insisted on over the years. But perhaps, at the end of the day, the green light was really just a green light, and we are really just overthinking it.
7. We like other subjects.
Science and math? No. But throw me in the deep end of a theatre course or a religious study lecture, and I'm all ears. English isn't necessarily my favorite course of each semester.
8. Some of us want to be teachers.
There's this weird phenomenon that occurs on college campuses. If you disclose to someone that you are studying English, people automatically respond with "Oh so you want to be a teacher." Now we English majors know that there is a plethora of career opportunities in the English field, so perhaps this comment has you burning with rage. It makes some of us almost embarrassed to admit that, yes, we do want to be teachers! But NOT because that is our only way of putting our degrees to use.
9. We're not going to edit lightly.
Don't ask us to help you with your paper unless you actually want the help. We won't sugar coat things and tell you that it's fine the way it is. We also won't write the thing for you. But we might just point out which sentences need rephrasing, underdeveloped themes, unorganized paragraph structure, and an abundance of unnecessary commas. There is a 100% chance that we will be annoyed if we put effort into helping you, and you disregard all of our suggestions. (I say "we" and "our," but I really mean "me" and "mine.")
10. What are parts of speech?
My favorite activity in high school was Daily Grammar Practice, more commonly known as DGP, or as Mr. Reese called it, "DGPiggidy." I learned a lot. I can spot a preposition from a mile away, but please don't ask me to explain the difference between a gerund and a participle. Simply put, I can't.
11. I don't care if I made a mistake in this article.
There are probably one or more grammatical/spelling errors in this article. Please don't point them out to me. I am already being vulnerable enough with all of these confessions. Don't kick me when I'm already down. Okay bye.
