I was in the shower when I thought of this article idea.

At the moment of my epiphany, I could not help but laugh. And it was one of the most sinister laughs that has ever come oozing out of my body. I laughed because this article is not just an earnest exposition on the importance of evaluating your friendships but also something that'll make a few of my friends go: "Ohh snap, #shotsfired."

In what might best be described as the slightly more adult version of the classic 1st-grader line, "You're not my friend no more," I recently terminated a friendship. And I'm not gonna lie, it was gutsy. It definitely did "cause me anxiety," as one might say. And I had to ask myself:

Am I being petty?(Ending a friendship after a text left on "read" does sound pretty petty, even if it was the proverbial "straw that broke the camel's back.")

Do I really want the friendship to end?(I mean, it wasn't all bad. There are tons of fond memories. And the term "best friend" would have been appropriate to apply to him for a good chunk of our 11-year friendship – the most recent chunk!)

And how shitty of a friend is he, really? (After all, he was there for me through thick and thin, never deserting me during my roughest patches.)

So, do I really have a leg to stand on here? Yes.

And it comes down to this: Friends are supposed to help you grow.

To understand what I mean by that, let's establish some basic universal principles:

1.) Nothing is permanent. Everything is subject to change.
Bread grows mold. Iron develops rust. And Life decays. If you want to curb this process, you have to make an effort; friendships require maintenance. Otherwise, they suffer the same fate as the blueberries I just tossed out which had sat uneaten in my fridge for two weeks.

2.) Survival of the fittest.
Although this principle is often popularly misunderstood to mean that the strongest survive, Darwin was actually saying that the most adapted do. The species that best adapts to its environment is the one that endures. In other words, you have to evolve. You have to respond to changes in the environment by making appropriate changes yourself. This is as true in business as it is with friendships. Businesses have to adapt themselves to ever-changing needs in the market and respond accordingly, offering products and services that fill those needs. If they don't, they die.

Perhaps it sounds cold to look at friendships in these terms. (I feel like some animal scientist describing the social bonds between primates.) But it's just reality. Friendship, like anything else we enjoy having in life, is about our basic needs as human beings.

To be clear, you should never needany one person. That's dependency. But in a basic, human way, we all have needs for affection and partnership. And it's other people, not any one specific person, but people in general, that can fill those needs. We're social creatures, and it's important to have at least a friend or two in this world, someone who we share experiences with, and who validates us.

But here's the lesson I've learned: a person who meets those basic needs for you in one phase of your life may not in another. Friendships that may be healthy and valuable at one point are liable to falling apart, becoming toxic, or becoming useless over time because either, a) there's a lack of maintenance of the friendship, or b) your own evolution as individuals takes you in different directions.

In this case, it was both a) and b).

My friend got way too comfortable. He stopped taking care of (or "maintaining") the friendship. And he stopped respecting me.

For example, he got flippant with his speech. Now, that's perfectly normal. When you spend enough time with people, the finer points of etiquette and diplomacy kind of go out the window, and in its place you get a more casual, intimate setting where you can trade barbs, bust each other's chops, (or whatever other colloquial euphemism I could use for teasing and making fun of each other.)

But there's a line. There comes a point where it's no longer harmless quips made in jest. With this friend, it became clear that somewhere over the years he had lost respect for me. The frequency of his joking remarks and their tenacious quality made them sound and feel less like "jokes," and more like thinly veiled insults.

Now let me directly address one of the concerns that made me hesitate before cutting him out - the fact that he had been there for me in times of personal distress (when I was struggling with what was first described as anxiety, depression and which ultimately culminated in a diagnosis of bipolar disorder).

Let's see.

He was there when I stopped going to school my senior year of high school and wouldn't leave my grandmother's basement. When I talked about suicide, and everything that was wrong with me and why I was the worst person in the world, why I had no future to look forward to, etc.

He was there when I managed to make it through the year (thanks to gracious, supportive teachers and faculty at my high school) and go off to college at Wesleyan University in Connecticut...only to last three weeks before withdrawing and coming back home to Jersey.

He was there as I've started, and stopped, and started school again locally at the community college and Rutgers Newark -- as I added, dropped, and withdrew from courses, as I went to school part-time, worked several different jobs part-time, and finally, as I'm all signed up again for full-time academics this fall. (No job, just school.)

After all that, I'm essentially a sophomore credits-wise, whereas my high school class peers, and my friend included, are entering their senior year. (And that's fine. My path's been different. I'm thankful for it.)

Through all of this, he's been there. While a few other friends decided I'd gone full crazy and lost all hope for re-achieving functionality, this one stuck around.

So yes, he 's been there for me. He's been there.
But that's about it. There. Just, There. Not actively encouraging me. Not doing his best to make me feel capable and worthy. Just There, occasionally going through the motions of verbal support (when it's obvious he has to) but demonstrating through his actions and through his statements in conversations where I'm not fishing for moral support, that he doesn't regard me as equal anymore.

Our hangouts included food, FIFA, and pseudo-intellectual discussions. And whenever the opportunity presented itself, he'd take the opportunity to shit on me. Oftentimes, when I'd present him with my latest idea about what to do with my life, whether it was a project (like a soccer league I started) or just a simple plan (like picking a certain major or minor) he would respond cynically, a smug laugh or a roll of the eyes. Like I was a fool.

He didn't inspire confidence in me. He inspired doubt.
And that's not what you need from a friend.

I put up with his behavior because our friendship was convenient. It was good to feel less alone and to eat with someone, play games with someone, shoot the breeze with someone. But I've grown. I don't need or want that from him now. Not with the cost of his putting me down or stagnating my growth with his lack of encouragement.

I've made other friends, friends who feel like teammates. Who want to see me win at the game of life, and who want us to win together. Who are ready to help me grow, and to grow along with me.

And when it comes to friends, that's what it's all about:
You either grow together, or grow apart.

Don't hesitate to cut the decaying matter out.

Value yourself.
Value your time.
Think about your own growth.

The friends worth keeping will follow along naturally; they'll even be the agents helping to advance your growth. And other friends won't.

No problem. They're useless. Just dust your shoulders off, and move on.