If you were ever eight, you know all too well how mean kids can be. Growing up, every kid was mean on some level, but the interactions between girls and boys were distinctly different. Boys would get physically rough, tease each other, and hurl weak insults back and forth. But the girls in my classes...they were something else entirely. They could tear each other to shreds in an instant over nothing. I witnessed many of my girlfriends engage in girl hate and often felt pressured to join them. I remember being both the subject of girl hate (once I was pushed by another girl on the playground and told I'd never be liked because I didn't have a boyfriend) and the instigator.
Girl hate is the unprovoked act of shaming or ridiculing another girl for her appearance or actions. It's calling another woman names like a slut or a prude, criticizing the way she dresses, or competing to prove yourself "better" or more desirable than her. In it's simplest form, it is treating other women with misogyny. It is a behavior exhibited by girls of all ages, in all walks of life.
So why does this happen? Why do women feel the need to knock each other down, rather than build each other up?
The answer is simple and problematic; we've been taught that not only is it acceptable but natural for women to hate each other. However, hate of any kind is learned. Women are not catty or mean because of some crazy biological condition. There is no chemical secreting from our lady parts that tells us to crush the confidence of the girl sitting next to us. We act this way because we have been shown that this is how women should be treated. We're taught that putting a girl down is an effective way to lift yourself up and earn the respect of others.
Girl hate is a devastating occurrence that not only damages the self esteem of the target but also shows men that they can treat us the way we treat each other. I can guarantee every girl can tell you at least one story of her experience with girl hate and how it left her worse for wear.
Here are some tips for how you can do your part to end girl hate.
1. Check yourself.
Before you make a mean or sarcastic remark, think about how it could affect who you are speaking to. Think about how you would react if someone said that to you. Would it be okay if someone else said that to her, or would you stand up for her? Make a conscious decision about whether or not you should say it.
2. Quit with the stupid memes, already!
Okay, not all stupid memes, but the ones that say things like "I know there are girls out there who are much prettier than me, so I make sure I have more to offer than just my appearance" or "real women have curves." These are ridiculous. You should be proud of your personality, your abilities and love your body, but don't communicate this pride at the expense of others. Every girl has more to offer than her appearance and every girl is real.
3. You don't need to be a runway model to be a role model.
There's enough pressure on us to look and act a certain way, thanks to beauty and marketing industries, we don't need to add to it. Band together to lift each other up! Embrace your differences and celebrate them. Show your peers and younger girls that there is a better way by practicing what you preach. After all, there is no wrong way to be a girl!
