Ninth grade, we were 15 years old.

I first met you in seventh grade; you were beautiful. The beginning of ninth grade, we didn't talk that much, but we saw each other every day. By the middle of ninth grade, I got your number we texted on and off; I would ask questions, you would answer. By April or May, we talked every day all day long--I started to fall for you.

During the summer, we talked all day long every single day. We had so much in common, including friends. We eventually started fighting, and we fought a lot. It became an unhealthy relationship for the both of us, so you decided to cut it off.

A week later, I reached out; I missed you more than anything. I started a drinking problem, you started to drift. I had pushed you further and further away. I was at this point in time where I was done with living overall. We would still talk but it would be every other day.

Around July, we were back to talking every single day. We made plans to live together in college, we made plans for dances in the upcoming school year, and we even discussed college, what we wanted to do in life. By the middle of July, my depression worsened and so did my drinking and drug abuse. I told you about my feelings towards you; we both knew it couldn't go anywhere because of family issues. By the end of July, we stopped talking again. I was crushed because I thought we would never talk again. A week or two later, we started talking again. This continues for about a month.

On September 22nd, the message came. She had said, "Our relationships is over. Your friendship is toxic. You need to grow up." I lost everything, I could not tell you how bad I wanted to die. I cannot explain to this day my feelings over this whole situation. I have spent the last two months trying to pull my life together, but it's not working.

I find myself falling in and out. I don't blame you or hate you. I still love you. You were the first girl I fell head over heels for. You made me very happy, you taught me that I am enough, that I will make it in this world. You taught me lessons in life I don't think I would have learned from anyone else. I do have a couple things to say if you ever come across this article. I hope your life is going great. I wish it wouldn't have ended the way it did. You will go places in life, just please stop comparing yourself to your sister. I love you, you were one of my closest friends, and now I have lost both of you. I just hope that you have a nice life and can move on with yours. Don't ever worry about me, I’m fine--even when I'm at my worst.