It's finals week. The campus is quiet, the libraries packed. It's definitely shocking to realize my freshman year at college is already coming to an end.
It feels like the day I moved in was just last month, but at the same time, I feel like I've known the people I've met at Rutgers my entire life. I'm ready to be done with the workload, the late nights of studying and the constant stress, but I don't feel ready to give up all the nights I've spent laughing and dancing and making popcorn with my friends at two a.m. 1/4 of my time at Rutgers is already completed, and this seems unbelievable compared to the slow, dragging years of high school.
Going to college for the first time feels like you can be whoever you want to be, but it's not actually that simple. Even among new people and in new situations it's hard to step out of the box you're used to and to push yourself further than before. Freshman year is all about sustaining or developing a strong intrinsic motivation, whether it's to do well or stay healthy. I've always been a very self-motivated person, especially when it comes to school, but at times it became difficult for me to sustain a balanced lifestyle.
I no longer had team sports to rely on to keep me in shape, and during the second semester, I realized how much I depended on constant exercise to feel good about myself, so I began working out again. Eating enough and healthily is another one of the biggest challenges I felt that college brought. After years of eating home cooked meals, adjusting to the less than appetizing options on College Ave led to me skipping more meals than I should have.
I am excited to return my family, see my high school friends and my two cats, but despite the stress that college brought, I will miss my independent life at Rutgers and the people who I've grown accustomed to spending every day with. Freshman year has been one of the strangest experiences of my life. At no other time have I felt so lost, overwhelmed and sad at the same time as feeling so happy, excited and determined.
At college, there exists a constant pressure to figure out who you are, to be that person, and to be good at it, yet I'm surrounded by hundreds of other students who also have no idea what they are doing. I feel the same as I've always been, and I don't feel like an adult yet, but simultaneously I feel incredibly different.
So much of what we are all doing right now is supposed to determine our futures but we're still having sleepovers in each other's dorms and surviving off microwavable mac and cheese. I'm not sure if there's a word to describe freshman year, but I know that I'll miss it.
