How To Know It's Time To End A Friendship | The Odyssey Online
Start writing a post
Relationships

How To Know It's Time To End A Friendship

Friendship is a privilege, not a right.

194
How To Know It's Time To End A Friendship
xojane

Friendship isn't easy, and sometimes deciding to end a friendship seems harder than sticking out the friendship even though you're unhappy. Sometimes all your friendship needs is some TLC, but other times, it's better to end an emotionally draining friendship. We are taught at a young age to be nice to everyone, and when I was younger, I thought that being nice to everyone meant being friends with everyone, which is just not true. There are some people that you should definitely be nice to but not be friends with. I had to learn this lesson the hard way, and I've had to learn it a couple times. In middle school and high school I would stay in miserable friendships because I thought that I had to be friends with those people. I believed that there wasn't a way to not be friends with those people, especially if I shared friends with them. A contributing factor to my miserable friendships was my inability to be honest with my friends and tell them when I was upset with them and even just disagreeing with them was hard for me to do. I was insecure with myself, and it was taking a toll on my friendships. My personal insecurities made me afraid that I would lose my friends if I said the wrong thing, and I thought that being a good friend meant always putting my friends before myself. This faulty thinking led me to pushing down all of my feelings so that I wouldn't hurt my friends, which ultimately, just ended up hurting me.

In ninth grade, I transitioned from a small charter school into a much larger ordinary public school. I was terrified. Like many kids at that age, I was scared that I wouldn't make any friends. So when I met a girl who had seemingly all of the qualities I was looking for in a friend, I clung to her. We quickly became best friends, but whenever she said something that offended me, I'd stay quiet. I pushed all of my strong opinions down, and I didn't think that it would have any negative effects. But then I started to resent my friend for being more successful than me, for prioritizing our friendship differently than I did, and for things that she said two years before. I was miserable and I realized that I hated the person that was supposed to be my best friend. What did it say about me if I hated my best friend? That's when I started to hate myself. I was extremely unhappy, and I didn't know what to do.

Finally, after a fight that ended up being the last straw for me, I stopped talking to my best friend. In a very childish manner, I ignored her. I'm not proud of the way I handled ending our friendship, but it was the only way that I thought I could be happy again. I knew that if I tried to be honest with her at that point, it would just hurt her more because I knew that everything I had repressed from three years of friendship would come pouring out and it wouldn't be pretty. I knew it would be messy and hard and filled with tears, so I avoided it. Stupid, I know, but I was 16. I've never been very good at dealing with other people's tears; in fact, I can barely stand my own. I ended our friendship for myself. I did it because I resented her and myself. I didn't want to feel so horrible anymore. The negatives of our friendship, for me at least, outweighed the positives, and I knew that what had once been a great friendship had soured. Holding on to that friendship wouldn't have done anything but cause me more pain, and I wanted to be in a friendship in which I didn't resent my friend or feel like I was in a competition with them. I wanted a friendship in which I didn't feel like I had to hide my true feelings, and unfortunately, I didn't find that kind of comfort in our friendship.

Thankfully, since that friendship has ended, I've found friends that make me feel comfortable enough to express my feelings but still push me in the ways that friends should. I do regret the way that I ended my friendship with one of my high school best friends, but I don't regret ending the friendship. It was something that I needed to do. By trying to be a good friend to her, I felt horrible, and I didn't want to spend my life that way. I encourage others to be a good friend in all of their friendships, but know yourself well enough to know when you need to put yourself above your friendship. Sometimes that means taking a break to cool off and figure things out or it might mean ending the friendship altogether. Either way, don't be afraid to be honest and speak out. Don't prioritize another person's feelings above your own just because you're afraid that they won't want to be friends or it will upset them. You matter, too!Friends are amazing and I'm so grateful for all of my fantastic friends, but friendship should not make you feel bad about yourself. It should challenge you in a good way (i.e. make you braver and do the things that you want to do but are too scared to do). Don't stay in a friendship because you're afraid that you won't make any other friends or because you've been friends forever. Those are poor excuses that are keeping you from being happy. Take a step back and ask yourself: is this friendship worth saving? Then, follow through with whatever you decide. Whether it's talking it all out or going different ways, do it for you. Life is too short for crappy friendships, and you deserve better.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
Lifestyle

11 Things Summer Nannies Can Relate To

There are plenty of obstacles that come when taking care of kids, but it's a very rewarding experience.

975
kids in pool

As a college student, being a nanny over the summer is both enjoyable and challenging. Underneath the seemingly perfect trips to the pool or countless hours spent playing Monopoly are the obstacles that only nannies will understand. Trading in your valuable summer vacation in return for three months spent with a few children less than half your age may seem unappealing, but so many moments make it rewarding. For my fellow summer nannies out there, I know you can relate.

Keep Reading...Show less
girl thinking
thoughtcatalog.com

There are a lot of really easy, common names in the U.S. and while many of those simple names have different spellings, most of the time, pronunciation is not an issue that those people need to worry about. However, others are not as fortunate and often times give up on corrections after a while. We usually give an A+ for effort. So, as you could probably imagine, there are a few struggles with having a name that isn’t technically English. Here are just a few…

Keep Reading...Show less
Daydreaming

day·dream (ˈdāˌdrēm/): a series of pleasant thoughts that distract one's attention from the present.

Daydreams, the savior of our life in class. Every type of student in the classroom does it at least once, but most cases it is an everyday event, especially in that boring class -- you know the one. But what are we thinking while we are daydreaming?

Keep Reading...Show less
Jessica Pinero
Jessica Pinero

Puerto Ricans. They are very proud people and whether they were born on the island or born in the United States by Puerto Rican parent(s). It gets even better when they meet another fellow Puerto Rican or Latino in general. You’ll know quickly if they are Puerto Rican whether the flag is printed somewhere on their person or whether they tell you or whether the famous phrase “wepa!” is said.

Keep Reading...Show less
girl

If it hurts now, it'll hurt again. Not because you're gullible or naive, only because you fall fast, hard, and you do it every time.

We fall each and every time with the complete and utter confidence that someone will be there to catch us. Now that person we SWORE we were never going to fall for has our hearts, and every time we see them our palms start sweating. The butterflies in our stomach start to soar and our hearts are entirely too close to bursting out of our chests.

Keep Reading...Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments