Emotion and Reason walk into a bar. Reason, a stocky, well-built individual, with jet black hair follows after Emotion, a blonde, thin man, with a nose that was just a little too big. They both walk towards the counter and take a seat. Emotion, the taller of the two, raises his hand to draw the attention of the bartender. He clears his throat. “We’ll take two Scotches please.” Reason glares at Emotion, his piercing blue eyes conveying every bit of disgust he could muster.
“No. Just one Scotch, thanks.," interject Reason. "And really,” as he leans over to Emotion, “You shouldn’t be having one either.”
Emotion sneers in response. “Why’d we come to a bar then, huh?”
Reason folds his arms. “To talk. And I wanted to go to a coffee shop. But you insisted that we come here.”
Emotion waves his hands at Reason, as if attempting to dismiss his claim. “Whatever, man.”
They sit in silence for a moment. In the corner of a room, a man plays jazz at a piano, accompanied by a standup bass player. The bar is mostly empty; a few folks scatter the room. The bartender brings Emotion his drink. He pays the man and then reaches for his drink.
Reason places a hand on Emotion’s arm. “First. Let’s talk. You brought me here to talk. Let’s talk. What’s on your mind?”
Emotion looks at the drink dejectedly. It’s clear that Emotion doesn’t know how to initiate the conversation. He goes to speak, stops, starts again, stops again, and then finally spits out, “I’m sick of this, Reason. I’m just sick and tired of this.”
Reason frowns. “Sick and tired of what?” he asks, his bushy eyebrows shooting up.
“Of being alone.”
Reason throws up his arms in exasperation. “Oh no. Not this again. Bartender! Bring me a scotch. This is going to be a long one.”
Emotion frowns at this unusual display of emotion from Reason, but continues on. “You and I have been goin’ it alone for far too long. I’m sick of it. I want to get out there, man, find a nice girl and fall in love. Is that so much to ask? I mean really. I’m sick of just mopin’ around feeling sorry for myself, you know? If I don’t get out there soon, well, I’ll end up dying sad and alone, and you too.”
Reason snorts. “You know I’m incapable of sadness right?”
“Oh have a heart for once, Reason! I know that you know that deep down I’m right!”
“Hah! Like how you were right about the last girl you were madly in love with? Give me a break, Emotion. This is just a phase!” Reason pats Emotion on the arm. “Everyone feels a little lonely from time to time. It’s natural. Part of life. Nothin’ you can do about it.”
“I was madly in love with that last girl and you know it!”
“Sure you were. And you were what, 'going to marry her!’ as I recall” Reason snorts again. “You don’t ever think, Emotion. She was crazy! And you didn’t stop to ever pick up on that until it was too late.”
“She was not crazy!”
“Oh yeah? Then what was she?”
Emotion broke eye contact with Reason.
“Well?” Reason demands.
Emotion turns back around, face red, a vein bulging on his neck. “She just had, had... She wasn’t ready for a relationship, okay? And you have no right to talk badly about her!”
Reason takes a sip from his glass, and gestures to Emotion with it. “Clearly she wasn’t the only one who wasn’t ready for a relationship.” He takes another sip as Emotion clenches his fists.
“Well–! Well...” Emotion relaxes his hand. “Yeah. Maybe you were right. But that was the first time you’d ever let me try to make a move before. Sure, it went a little south but…”
“Whoa whoa whoa,” Reason says, interrupting Emotion. “I’ve let you get away with multiple endeavors. Don’t you remember the flautist?”
Emotion smiles and laughs quietly. “Yeaaahh.” He laughs again. “That was a fun one.”
“Fun!” Reason slams his hand into his forehead in agitation. “You were upset for weeks! Do you know how much leg work I had to do just to keep the business afloat while you were ‘out of commission?' Well let me tell you, it was A LOT of leg work.”
“And you did an exquisite job my friend.” Emotion smiles and pats Reason on the arm. “You did great. And man! We did great! Had circumstances been better, that plan of mine would have worked for sure and you know it. Oh that song was so smooth and the look she had was just–”
“But, the plan didn’t work, Emotion! And I told you that it wouldn’t work! Because I saw the circumstances when you didn’t, you oaf!”
Emotion turns a way for a minute. He eyes his drink for a second and turns back to Reason. “None of that matters, you know. Because I’m still in the present predicament.”
“Oh yeah. You’re looonely.” Reason puts his hands on his cheeks, feigning sympathy “Want me to run home to mother and get her for you? Would that make it aaaall better?”
“Would you shut the hell up for like, five seconds?” Emotion demands, his voice violently holding back tears.
Reason leans back in his chair and waves his hand to Emotion, signaling to him that he can go on.
“Thank you.” Emotion clears his throat. “We’re both going to have to get hitched eventually, right?”
“No.”
“Shut up! You know it’s true.” Emotion takes a breath to calm himself. “As I was saying. Why not test the waters a bit? See what there is to see, you know? I still haven’t ever had the privilege of loving someone before…well, really love someone.”
Reason rolls his eyes. Emotion frowns, but continues. “There’s nothing wrong with dating casually a bit.”
“Look. What you’re describing isn’t love. You just want to date someone.”
“What do you know about love, you heartless pig?”
Reason laughs loudly. He stops abruptly and lets out a sigh. “About as much as you do, kid.”
“That’s what I thought…but still, what would be wrong with dating?” He asks hopefully, as Reason chuckles to himself.
Reason rubs his chin thoughtfully. “Well, for one, Emotion, you’re pretty busy, don’t have a lot of money to be spending on arbitrary adventures, and ultimately, if you’re right about this whole ‘getting hitched’ thing, you’ll only be going steady with one girl. Everything else is wasted time and resources.”
“But, I have to get know someone somehow!”
“True. But you can do that in other ways.”
“But... ” Emotion sighs. “You’re right. I do just want to date.”
“Is it worth it, Emotion? Like, really worth it?”
“Well I don’t know, Reason. Every time you’ve ever let me do something, I’ve gone all out because it’s been my first chance at love in a long time. If you’d let me do something more low-key, well, maybe it will start to go better.”
“I don't think that's true," Reason contends.
“Well, you know what? Clearly, whatever I’m doing now isn’t working! I’m sick and tired of being alone. It’s…it’s ridiculous to have gone this long without having dated someone. Can’t I just get to know someone by taking her on a date? This whole, 'friends first' thing is impossible.”
Reason rubs in face in fatigue. He points at Emotion. “Emotion. Listen. This is a patience thing. You’re acting as though you’re on a time crunch. You and I both now that this isn’t something that you can just force. You’ll find your… uh, your lady, when she trapezes on into your life. Do you even have a particular love interest in mind?”
“Well…uhh…no?”
Reason leans back in his chair. “Well there you go! Geez. What, were you just going to pick the first random bimbo you came across? I can’t believe I even work with you. USE YOUR HEAD. Do you even have one? You’ve got so much time. Years, man! Years! We’ve got a business to run in the meantime. Don’t worry about getting a Mrs. right now. Okay? Emotion! Are you even listening? What are you staring at?” Reason turns around in his chair to see a beautiful woman with strawberry blonde hair sitting down at a table. Reason smacks his forehead. “Emotion. Don’t you even think about it.”
“Think about what?” Emotion replies with a dazed tone of voice. Reason puffs out his cheeks.
“You lilly-livered baboon! Why I oughta…”
The door to the bar swings open and a woman, identical in appearance to the woman sitting at the table, takes a seat next to the other woman. Reason and Emotion exchange glances.
“Twins?” they both say in unison. Emotion raises his eyebrows as a big grin spreads across his face, he elbows Reason in the side.
Reason lets out another exasperated sigh. “You know what, Emotion? You’re really a pain in the rear."
“Oh, come on, Reason. Give it a chance. Surely, there’s nothing wrong with trying every once in a while. You’ll never know what could happen if you don’t try.”
“If you end up like you did last time I swear…”
“I won’t. I promise. And this time, you may come to agree with me.”
“It’s like I’m dealing with a child.”
Emotion gets up, leaving his drink, and pulls Reason up by the arm. “Come on, man. Don’t be such a stick in the mud.” A smile stretches across Emotion’s face as he drags the clearly unhappy Reason along.
“I’m surrounded by idiots," Reason bemoans.
“At least they’re all happy idiots.”
“Don’t be so sure.”
