As the start of school dawns upon the students of Emory, it's time to say goodbye to home cooking and hello once again to the darkness of college dining. Call me dramatic (because I am), but the first meal back at school is always the saddest. This article started out as a joke to play off of that special kind of heartbreak and turned into an actual Cox Hall Declassified, Emory Survival Guide.
Cox Hall, for you non-Emory readers, is the dining hall that robs us of our expendable cash and is, while still deeply flawed, a welcome escape from the Duc. Five current Emory students gave their ratings of all the restaurants in Cox. Enjoy and happy eating!
Green Bean by Kaldi's
Melanie - 7/10. Kaldi's has decent frozen coffee but their cream cheese to bagel ratio is lacking, which can ruin a dining experience. They've also been known to run out of plain bagels but their flatbreads are divine and their staff is always friendly.
Alice - 3/10. I do not even want to speak of the Kaldi's in Cox. I want to slap someone just writing this. The ~vibes~ are just so incorrect; the line control is so poorly managed (where do I wait in line?! did they call my name? I can't hear ANYTHING). I feel like I'm waiting for overpriced bean water in a harshly lit environment. It's like going to get your nails done while you're sitting in that aggressive Walmart lighting. The vibes are not right. Do not sell yourself as an artsy coffee shop when you look like a confused stand at the B-team farmer's market. Green Bean Kaldi's, if you're asking me to pay $7.25 (the minimum wage in Georgia, by the way) for a ball of peanut butter, then I can ask YOU to BE BETTER.
Sam- 3/10. One time got I a hot tea and waited an obscene amount of time for leaf water. All around weird vibes, terrible line control, options are just not as good as Kaldis at the Depot. Be better.
Alex- 8/10. Ok to be honest I only ever get a vanilla latte there and they are easier on the vanilla than the Depot which I'm here for. Also, the people who work there genuinely seem to be happier to see me! Sorry Depot (I love you too though).
Chard Grill
Rachel - 8/10. The lunch bar next to the salads where they have the grill with meats and veggies and carbs? 100% scrumptious has great options and friendly staff.
Sam - 1/10. Never been but the food honestly looks dank looking forward to trying this year!
Dooley's Farm
Melanie - 1/10. Never been.
Alex- 1/10. Never been and never WILL.
Freshens
Melanie - 5/10. Decent smoothies but not fantastic and the fro-yo isn't great. It's liquidy and not super sugary, and the toppings are lackluster. Their flatbreads are okay but I'm a picky eater who does not like lettuce and they've messed up my order before, giving me instead of the unholy food that is lettuce (not the wittiest, but I tried).
Alice - 3/10. Freshennnnnnnnns. Y'allllllllllllll. I want to like you SO MUCH. I really do! Freshens seems like the station at Cox that would be my ~thing~ because I do genuinely love to be healthy and eat healthy things (let's forget about the time we ordered 60 chicken nuggets to the ATO house and I experienced deadly heartburn). But no matter what I order, no matter how hard I pray that Freshens won't let me down, it simply does. Flatbreads? Disappointing. Froyo? Disappointing. Those stupid rice bowls with way too many beans (looking at you Mexican bowl)? Disappointing. Me using questions and repeating the answer in order to get my point across? Disappointing yet effective. Freshens, you and Green Bean Kaldi's deserve to be next to each other because you guys are both stupid and I don't like you. I blame my crippling GPA and bad moods on you.
Sam - 7/10. No complaints here. Had a smoothie once and it was a smoothie. Keep it up.
Alex- 1/10. Only went once for Frozen Yogurt and I didn't even pay for it so I have nothing else to say.
Dooley's Barbecue
Alice: 5/10. I don't really know. Like, I want to aggressively support Dooley's Barbecue because DOOLEY IS MY HERO but it's always underwhelming. It's getting a 5 because I don't have much good or bad to say. I never seek it out but if I hadn't eaten yet, and you came up with a classic meal from there and said I could take it for free, I would be pretty content. If you told me I had to pay, I would not take it. Dooley's Barbecue is the bland boy you Snapchat for a couple of days but when it fizzles out, you're not that mad. You're not like, relieved that the guy stopped Snapchatting you, but you're not really bothered. I could find better barbecue elsewhere.
Sam - 1/10. Never been.
Melanie - 1/10. Never been.
Alex - 1/10. Never been do I even eat?
Bhojanic
Rachel - 4/10. I got something I didn't know what the name meant and when I started eating it my face got bright red and tears started pouring down my face and my tongue got numb because it was so spicy.
Melanie - 1/10. Never been.
Alice - 1/10. Never been.
Sam - 1/10. Never been.
Alex - 1/10. Never been I really don't eat.
Maru
Melanie - 10/10. I would marry the ginger chicken.
Alice - 8/10. Maybe my standards are extremely low (spoiler: they are) but I always heavily enjoy Maru. I literally am in fight or flight mode right now thinking of how enjoyable the ginger chicken is when it blends with Maru's white sauce and veggies like I'm honestly emotional thinking of how GOOD that first bite is. It's like a warm embrace from a dear friend; comforting, familiar, satisfying. The servers? Positive. Welcoming. Kind. It is DIVINE eatery. I want to give this a 10/10 but they haven't been serving egg rolls lately (I refuse to say the words "they took it off their menu"), so I am unfortunately deducting 2 points. Nonetheless, I aggressively love this place and I don't know what to do with my emotions because I just heavily look forward to eating here.
Sam - 8/10. The one good thing at Cox Hall. Honestly can't complain about anything I've had here. Except once I asked for lots of veggies in my bowl and she actually gave me one carrot. But that's forgiven. I thoroughly enjoy their rice bowls, poke bowls, and low key there pho is DANK. Like the tofu pho is delicious. And I've had many a pho in my lifetime. Would recommend.
Alex - 10/10. Give me all the teriyaki chicken and white sauce. My 40 pound heavier self at the end of the year will thank me! Not stingy with portions either so if you know me, you know what that does for me.
Twisted Taco
Melanie - 10/10. The buffalo bill taco is to die for and the queso, while not the best I've ever had, is passable.
Alice - 6/10. Twisted Taco is a good idea in theory. But in reality, Twisted Taco is the boy that you keep going back to even when your roommate is begging you not to (not like this is a current issue hA HA). Someone will mention it, and I'll be like, oh, nice, Mexican food! I'll scoot my way through the line, sit down with, then want to DIE 15 minutes later. My stomach becomes a war zone. Anyone who says that Twisted Taco doesn't make you feel like trash is a liar. The burrito bowls, tacos, guac, they're all so enjoyable when you sit down and start eating them. Also my burritos have mysterious liquids in them. The second you finish that last bite, you regret every decision you've ever made. Twisted Taco is the appealing boy that you can not say no to, but he hurts you so bad. Will I be there next week for a burrito bowl? Yes. Will I regret it? Yes.
Sam - 1/10. Never been.
Alex - 6/10. It's just like, a trainwreck. You can't watch, but you can't look away. The $6 daily cox deal is nice on your Dooley but tbh their tacos land me on the toilet RIGHT quick. Chips and salsa is always a good snack though, and the one man who is always fixing the food is the nicest person I've ever met on this planet.
Ray's Pizza
Melanie - 1/10. Never been.
Alice - 4/10. Okay so I'm not trying to make enemies or make anyone feel bad for their preferences. But if I see you walking with a box from Ray's Pizza, I'm gonna be like …..mmmmmm whyyyyyy. Like, it is just such average pizza. Why do you seek out average pizza for lunch? Listen, I LOVE pizza. I love it. I love the blend of cheese and sauce and I think that it is such a delicious treat. But I'm a little confused why people like seek it out? I don't know. I'm just kind of confused like I'm really struggling to write this I don't know what to say right now I just don't comprehend why people seek out Ray's. It's really average. Just go eat at the DUC-ling and eat their average pizza. Average.
Sam - 0/10. I've never been but I already give rays pizza a low score because it claims it is new york pizza. But it is not. And will never be.
Alex - 8/10. I can't lie I am REALLY down for the pasta AND pizza. Nothing makes me mad about it, and when I tell the workers I want garlic knots (but I'm ordering pizza, and the knots don't come with it), I would say 75% of the time they put them inside my pizza box anyways. CUSTOMER. SERVICE.
Soup
Melanie Dunn - 1/10. Never been.
Alice - 6/10. I don't have too many aggressive opinions on this. I mean, it's enjoyable but always unpredictable. Sometimes, it's really good, and sometimes it is not very good. I am a HUGE soup enthusiast. I would say it's honestly my favorite food—I eat it extremely regularly. I just don't have much to say. They get it right most of the time but I don't really trust it too much. 6 out of 10.
Sam - 1/10. Never been.
Alex - 1/10. Nevvvvvvvvvver been!
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