We all know Ben Wyatt is ecstatic about "Game of Thrones" winning best drama. Leslie is probably ranting about all the positive girl power from Amy Sherman-Palladino right about now too. But it's time to face the facts.
"Parks and Recreation" is literally the greatest show of all time. Change my mind.
So take a moment with me and imagine the Emmy Awards, but in a perfect world where every award is for an aspect of "Parks and Recreation." For the first few awards, we look at the show as what it is—just a show. But eventually, we dive into the Parks universe as if the awards rightfully go to those within the show.
Tom introduces the speaker for the opening monologue, so by the time he's done bragging about his accomplishments, Nick Newport Jr. has about one minute to talk about candy. Shauna Malwae-Tweep presents some awards but never receives one. Other presenters include Dennis Feinstein, J.J., Trish Ianetta (the hot one), Detlef Shrempf, Pete Disellio, the Gotcha Dancers, Ingrid de Forest, Bobby Newport, Justin Anderson and a surprise (albeit reluctant) appearance from Duke Silver.
1. Best Comedy: "Flu Season."
This is the episode that properly ruined my life with its witty lines and situational comedy. Chris's breakdown, Leslie's fever induced hilarity, and Ben's shock and awe at her accomplishments makes this episode one of the most iconic in the series.
2. Best Drama: "94 Meetings."
A thrilling saga and a case of mistaken identity—or, mistaken scheduling. A race against the clock to meet with 93 annoyed people in one day. A gazebo that needs saving. Leslie chaining herself to a gate. Can you say drama?
3. Best Limited Series: "The Johnny Karate Super Awesome Musical Explosion Show."
The episode we didn't expect, but the episode we all needed.
4. Best Actress, Comedy: Amy Poehler "Leslie Knope."
Leslie is comedic in the ridiculous sense of the genre. From the very beginning when she makes her pinky promise to Ann to the end when she plans out April's life in a binder (and even makes T-shirts), her hilarity is what keeps the show going.
5. Best Actor, Comedy: Adam Scott "Ben Wyatt."
Ben's deadpan delivery of lines and reactions to situations around him never cease to be hilarious. His glances at the camera even rival Jim Halpert from "The Office."
6. Best Actress, Drama: Aubrey Plaza "April Ludgate-Dwyer."
Our favorite, awesome sauce gal, totally ready to turn any mundane situation into a drama. She draws on her sisters jeans because she's bored, posts a video of her drinking wine to the Parks website, draws insulting cartoons of Ben in Washington, D.C., and even unintentionally creates an almost unsolvable scavenger hunt for Ron's key. Plus her relationship with Ann is full of drama (mostly created by April).
7. Best Actor, Drama: Rob Lowe "Chris Traeger."
Chris's story arc is dramatic and powerful. He is literally one of the best characters on the show.
9. Supporting Actor, Drama: Jim O'Heir "Gary Jerry Larry Terry Gingrich Gergich."
Poor guy. He loses his wedding ring, replacement right, and most of his other essential personal belongings, causing his wife to call him the B-word (Bozo). His life is drama.
10. Supporting Actress, Comedy: Jenny Slate "Mona Lisa Saperstein."
When she gets bored, she starts fires. When she doesn't get what she wants, she starts fires.
11. Supporting Actor, Comedy: Ben Schwartz "Jean-Ralphio Saperstein."
He made his fortune the old fashioned way. (He got run over by a Lexus.)
12. Best Actress, Limited Series or TV Movie: Annabel Porter, "Bloosh."
Every lifestyle blogger's unattainable goal (just like her hair.) I want to be Annabel Porter when I grow up.
13. Best Actor, Limited Series or TV Movie: Professor Smartbrain, "The Johnny Karate Super Awesome Musical Explosion Show."
Professor Smartbrain deserved better. Shoutout to the one kid in the lab coat in the audience. You go, dude. Live your dreams.
14. Supporting Actress, Limited Series or a Movie: Tynnyfer, "Doppelgängers."
"She's the best person I've ever met. I want to travel the world with her."
"Oh wait, it's Xanax o'clock."
15. Supporting Actor, Limited Series or Movie: Raul, "Sister City."
They have a special jail for journalists. Straight to jail. Jail.
16. Variety Sketch Series: "Beauty Pageant."
"I can be idiotic for $600."
I'm with Leslie on this one.
17. Variety Talk Series: Ben Wyatt, Human Disaster.
He gets weird on camera. Just a little.
18. Reality Competition Program: "The Debate."
This debate is absolute gold all the way through. Shoutout to the writers for this gift.
19. Writing for a Comedy Series: Andy Dwyer.
By the way, this was ad libbed.
20. Writing for a Drama Series: Jan Coopers's Husband.
A truly dramatic narrative.
21. Writing for a Limited Series, Movie or Drama: Jen Barkley, Bobby Newport's Campaign.
Because, let's face it, she's a puppet master and she knows she's amazing.
22. Directing for a Drama Series: Tammy 2.
She's here.
Tammy 2's whole life is a drama series.
23. Directing for a Limited Series: Ben Wyatt, "Requiem for a Tuesday."
"Stand in the place where you live—"
Ben may have missed his calling as the next Tim Burton, but at least he gave us Cones of Dunshire later.
24. Writing for a Variety Special: Leslie Knope, Pawnee Sun Roast.
So good, they were stolen.
25. Directing for a Variety Special: Tom Haverford, "Treat Yo Self."
The best day of the year is quite a production.
26. Television Special: Burt Macklin, "Bus Tour."
The case of the century. You've done it again, Macklin.
27. Directing for a Variety Series: Leslie Knope, "Christmas Scandal."
Almost as crazy as Mayor Gunderson's dog.
28. Reality Host: Joan Callamezzo.
She went off the deep end by season 7, but was she ever really not there?
29. Structured Reality Program: "The Word with Perd."
The sentence structure use by Perd is a sentence structure of rigid structure.
30. Unstructured Reality Program: "Crazy Ira and the Douche."
*superfluous fart noises*
31. Guest Actress, Drama: Michelle Obama.
Leslie's hero in all things all the time.
32. Guest Actor, Drama: Joe Biden.
Leslie's dream come true.
33. Guest Actress, Comedy: Heidi Klum.
Her town loves her so much. She just had to win another award.
34. Guest Actor, Comedy: John Cena.
Doo doo doo doo...
35. Documentary or Nonfiction Series: Lil Sebastian Memorial.
Always in our hearts.
36. Animated Program: Curse Recreation, "Harvest Festival."
Absolute artwork.
Entertainment 720 makes a comeback for the end of the awards show with another tribute to Lil Sebastian. Mouse Rat also plays "5,000 Candles in the Wind." Tom returns to invite everyone to the Snake Hole Lounge, or his new restaurant, nobody was really listening. Jerry gets up to leave because he thought the show ended, but trips over someone's feet and stumbles into the aisle. "Aw, geez."
