Thirty... something.
327.
327 days until I say goodbye to my 20's and hello to 30. And I am scared. I never thought I would see myself turning this milestone age. I've asked friends and family about how they felt once they hit the big 3-0. Their responses have paralyzed me. It's a decade of growth, a decade of renewal as well as a decade of midlife crisises.
For me, the 30's decade is like a checkpoint.
Am I happy with myself? Am I where I want to be in my life?
Right now, I am at a crossroads. Parts of me is wanting to embrace this next chapter in my life and look ahead to becoming older... but I have to be honest, I am anxious. I feel like a failure because by now, I should be a mom to at least two children, married, and living somewhere else instead of my hometown. So much for that storybook fantasy...
... but on the other side, I feel comfortable. Yes, I have committed some flaws and mistakes, and I can finally release myself of the past. It's been 10 years since I lost my best friend, my mother, and I am finally coming into peace at her passing. And as far of the children thing, I enjoy being a mentor to preteen girls who are beginning to figure out what their gifts are in life. I can't forget about my Sunday School and Children's Church babies and lastly, my precious Godchildren.
No matter what mood I might be feeling, their bright faces bring joy into my life every single time. I enjoy when one of my babies tell me, “Miss Renee, do you like my new dress” or the always popular, “Look Miss Renee, the tooth fairy gave me $10 bucks for my tooth! Cool, huh?” Lately, the scripture “...for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances...” from Philippians has brought so much new meaning for me. So, I'm going to pray to God to end my final year of my 20's and look ahead to my 30's with content.
Yes, turning 30 creeps me out like crazy, but I'm going to trust the Lord to see me through when August 3, 2017 arrives...
...in 327 days.
