I don’t like not knowing what I’m supposed to do.
I hate feeling uncertain, feeling like I might be that girl who doesn't have a clue what's going on, the one who needs to be guided through everything or have the “simple” stuff explained to her. I get flushed, my stomach feels cold, I get quiet and embarrassed. I feel like a fool.
In my mind I can see everyone from my closest friends to the receptionist who has to explain how to make a restaurant reservation is laughing at my ignorance. I know I make most of this up in my head but the feeling is still there, bubbling up through the gaps in my confidence. Infecting my brain with doubt.
Luckily for me, I haven’t had the choice to avoid new thing for the last few months. Not only have I been studying abroad in a new country with a bunch of new people, learning to cook, to budget, to book airplanes and hostels, but I’ve also traveled to other new countries completely alone. Finding yourself alone in somewhere so different from your home forces you to learn to ask for help and to just do new things without questioning them. Out of necessity I have had to ignore my fear.
Back at the study abroad house I was reflecting on my solo trip and reading travel blogs when I came across a piece of advice that resonated. It was a single line, set into its own paragraph in a bold font:
Embrace the awkwardness of the situation.
There were no qualifications and no explanations, it was just a command. Suddenly my many abstract thoughts on the subject crystallized. I was being commanded to not let discomfort hold me back. And although it was not the exact command I needed, I realized clearly in that moment that there is a certain beauty in the process of learning, in messing up and in the immense amount of growth one goes through when faced with new challenges.
It can be exhilarating, (I’m sure there is some chemical in your brain that gives you that “new experience high” when you finally succeed in completing that task you have been working on). The only way to receive the pleasure of learning and acquiring new skills and experiences is to start in ignorance of them.
After identifying how stagnated I have become in some areas of my life (almost completely due to my fear of looking ignorant) I am becoming increasingly exasperated with myself. I can’t believe I avoided my passion for outdoor sports simply because I was embarrassed that I didn't know the skills which I had never been taught.
It is natural to be afraid of new things, of failure, of looking stupid. These emotions are instinctive, they are natural caution signs designed to help protect us. But need to be kept in balance with the rest of your life. Missing out on a new passion or opportunity from the fear of appearing ignorant is tragic.
In an effort to help anyone else (and myself) from continuing to let self doubt limit life’s opportunities, I have reworked the original advice into my own:
Embrace your ignorance, otherwise you will always be stuck in it.
