Since I was a small child, I’ve always been the “different” one—the one that, as I was rather rudely later told by a former classmate, “just didn’t fit.” I often felt lonely as a result of being ostracized. There were various factors that played into it.

I had a birth defect, bilateral cleft lip and cleft palate, that made me look “weird” and even “ugly” to other kids because I had grossly malformed teeth, a drastic underbite, a speech impediment and a tendency to speak rapidly (a very unfortunate combination for holding conversations) and a scar above my upper lip. These attributes alone made me an easy target for bullying beginning at age seven.

I was hyperactive and immature (and still often show these qualities). As a young girl, I partook in multiple activities that were seen as “wild.” I may have been young, but not young enough to get away with such juvenile acts. In fact, I remember when my best friend since third grade found her diary entries from before the fateful day I asked for her family’s number so I could call her and developed a tightly knit friendship with her from then on. This girl read to me when she talked about the crazed new girl that had invaded her school and screamed battle cries while chasing boys around the playground. The one that she saw as being an insanely outlandish individual. Yup, that was me!

I dared to actually be passionate about various things that the other kids lacked interest in. For example, by age twelve I was already an anime geek and an aspiring animator. This was the age where Disney movies were considered “lame” by most in my grade, which made me into an easy target. It probably didn’t help that I’d cuss at my bullies in broken Japanese though. Hey, I was twelve, what would you have done at such an early age?

I generally simply stand out. As a high schooler, my friends sometimes pointed out how easy it was to find me in the hallways. My laughter, or my typically excited and slightly high-pitched voice in general, my erratic hand motions/body language, my hair (in later years, I’ve often cut it and dyed it various colors), my brightly colored clothes, etc. I didn’t understand what this meant, and if it was a good or bad thing until one friend told me something along the lines of “It’s neutral. You stand out just like a girl with red hair would among most of us, even when your hair is normal. You just do. It’s you.”

Here’s what I’ve learned about being different from nearly 20 years’ experience.

Sometimes even qualities about you that are negatively different can be used later to your advantage. Sometimes you’ll gain insights that next to no one else can have. This can make understanding others much easier and help you to be kinder and more compassionate. For example, my old speech impediment made me work harder to understand others that might have an accent or just generally “talk funny.” I’ve learned not to judge by appearances because, given how malformed my teeth and lips were, I have no right. My experiences with my birth defect gradually helped me to grow into the sort of person that will try her best to understand anyone and everyone, no matter what the first impression may have been, how they look or how they sound.

Never be ashamed of your passions, so long as they don’t hurt people. Sure, the fact I liked anime made me different and played a part in my getting bullied. However, if I had never developed an interest in animation at the age of twelve, I never would have, by extension, further developed and refined my talents as a visual artist. Now I may eventually make a career out of my art. It’s possible that my passions may have me set for life. Side note, if I had never read "Harry Potter" and become so passionate about it that I further went on to be the co-founder and Co-President of Edwardsville High School’s Muggle Quidditch Club (something that also caused some teasing), I never would have further developed/made some of the strongest friendships I have to this day.

With some exceptions, there’s nothing wrong with standing out! The exceptions are if you are to participate in a choir concert, marching band/drumline competition, or anything with rules about how you look, sound, etc. In which cases, follow the dress code and be a team player. However, the way I look at being unlike many others after all these years is the Dr. Seuss quote of “Why fit in when you were born to stand out?” I’ve noticed that I often make a lasting impression on people. Often people will say “Hi Gabby!” to me in public, and I won’t even recognize them. Even more embarrassing, I’ve often received genuine hugs from people that I thought were complete strangers until they caught sight of me. This may sound like a negative, but this can be good. It makes it incredibly easy to make new friends and I have many connections at my fingertips should I need them.

I think that life would be awfully dismal if we were all the same. It might be easier if it were that way, but you would never be challenged to grow as a person, or have anything new to discuss or share with anyone. You would never be able to truly express yourself or be original, and that is a world that I would hate to live in.

Never be afraid to be distinct. Be bold. Be you.