Being the oldest has its perks but it also has its downfalls too. My entire life, I have been the oldest in many different perspectives. I am the oldest child to my parents and I am also the oldest grandchild out of a whopping 17 for most of my maternal side of the family.

For me, I love having the responsibility of being the oldest. I get to be the first to experience many things which gives me the knowledge to be able to help my younger brother and younger cousins get through similar situations. But at the same time being the first to experience everything is hard because there was not really anybody there for me to bounce my fears and frustrations off of when I was going through these things.

I have cousins of all ages, a few of them are close in age with me being 18, 19, while I am 20. Some of them are young teenagers being 14, 15, 16 and the rest are all varying in ages between 8 years old - 7 months old. I enjoy having cousins of all ages. Sometimes I get the pleasure of spending time with the ones closer to my age which includes being able to relax. Sometimes I get to sit down with the teenagers and help them through tough situations and sometimes I just get to throw myself on the floor and play with the toddlers.

There are times though when being the oldest is hard. Sometimes I just want to be able to kick back and be the kid that I am, but then I realize I’m surrounded by people that I want to see me as a role model. I want them to look up to me and know that if they have a problem at anytime, they can come and talk to me.

I have had so many heart to hearts with all of my cousins and little brother, each of them unique in their own ways. Some of them end with tears good or bad. Some of them end in screaming matches, but either way both sides of the equation learn from each of these interactions and going through them makes us grow as people.

Being the oldest makes me unique, I am who I am because I have always had to be there for the younger kids. I have always had to watch what I do because younger eyes are watching, knowing that whatever I do they see and it will affect them in some way. This is not a bad thing, I happen to love who I am and being loved in the eyes of young people is special.