The I became the weakling on the playground, taunted by the leonine roar of its most avid opponent: the we. Demonized and vilified, the ego -- a sense of self-importance -- has disappeared, never to be found again in the time we need it most: today. Most, if not all humans seek a purpose -- a reason and a role to play to fill up the other side of the hourglass.
It should come to no surprise that we are riddled with wars and brutal violence when the navigation of our lives refuses to give us direction. Lonely hours and times of isolation are arguably our most vulnerable; when seeking a meaning to live, we find comfort in a herd. Like a shambling structure with no foundation, the mixed messages sent about our identities by our surroundings, media, and the government create an even deeper end to dive into when attempting to answer the question of who we are -- so we give up.
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We attach our names to other names, we move our legs and feet but rarely think, as we prefer to be told. The fear of isolation and the need of belonging resonates so loud in our heads, that increasing gang violence, mass shootings, and the cancerous growth of ISIS is just a byproduct of the desperate measures humans take to feel, even if it is artificial, wanted.
Like dogs without tags and streets with no names, identities without a calling are dangerous. Without a good education or support system, individuals can be lured by gangs or other groups seeking to take advantage of easily persuaded people.
Dylann Roof, responsible for the mass shooting in Charleston, was living around people who wondered whether or not the KKK was “an actual violent thing," enclosed in bare wood-paneled walls, drugs, and a lack of intellectual stimulation. Drowned out in our own loneliness and insecurities, personal dystopias are created as a refuge from reality -- creating the possibility of destroying any moral foundations and the sense of right and wrong.
Gangs that remain active in both inner cities and suburban counties act as surrogate families. Alex, who was being groomed by an ISIS member through the Internet, found “a new group of friends online -- the most attentive she had ever had,” and she felt “as if she finally had something to do."
As these articles suggest, our overwhelming desire for significance and identity is a door that allows many to lead astray, resulting in a world consumed by chaos, distortion, and confusion.
Having lived in rural Connecticut for five years, I saw the first-hand detrimental effects of boredom and/or lack of identity on a smaller scale. It should not be surprising that New England prep schools are riddled with drug, alcohol, and sex scandals. Removing kids as young as 14 years old from their families can be shattering for the formation of a child's identity. While I thoroughly appreciate and value the time I had in these institutions, it took a lot of personal growth to realize that some of the things I had seen in these schools were not normal.
I felt part of a world that no one else outside of it could understand. And this still remains true. Attempting to explain some of my experiences to my friends in college has proven to be an impossible feat. When graduation rolled around the corner, I was forced to do something I had avoided for a very, very long time -- look in the mirror for a reason other than plucking my eyebrows. I had to figure out who I was without my khaki skirt, and without my weeks planned out for me.
Needless to say, this summer wasn't very fun.
Where was I supposed to begin searching for an identity when it always had been handed to me? Who am I beyond my SAT scores, my funny accent, and my list of extracurricular activities? What am I doing with my life?
My search isn't over. I moved to Charleston and joined a sorority. The media loves to demonize Greek life, but my sisters changed my life: we have a purpose, we have an identity. However, was this the easy way out? Did I settle for a convenience? Is that even so bad? I am just as afraid of the self, of the I, as we all are. Perhaps if we truly began to think about ourselves, and explore the ego, we would be able to find answers.
