Growing up in the dance world, I was always hyper-aware of my body and what I looked like. Every day, I would put on a skintight leotard and tights and stand in front of a mirror for up to 3 hours. I would watch my body move and examine what it looked like. Given the number of time dancers spend in that environment, it's not surprising that eating disorders are rampant in the dance community.
Eating disorders are 10 times more common in ballet dancers than non-ballet dancers. Perfectionism is common in dancers who decide to make a career out of their art, an art that stems from the body. Being a ballerina takes self-discipline, hours of rehearsing, and dedication to becoming the best dancer you can be. For many dancers, "the best" includes being the skinniest.
Being a professional dancer is also a very competitive field. Countless auditions are required to make ends meet. It's very hard to land a lasting spot in a company and most dancers have to take on multiple jobs to support themselves. That's a lot of time comparing yourself to the competition and picking out ways you can make yourself better.
In my case, I began noticing how I looked at a very young age. I never liked my stomach and I used to think to myself on the playground, "I wonder if this will make my stomach flat if I do it enough." I developed a distorted body image and always compared myself to my peers.
By the time I was a teenager, I had developed a toxic relationship with food. I got caught up in cycles of restricting what I was eating and how much, and then binging and feeling like a failure. And through it all, I was standing in front of a mirror, everything visible in my attire, and hating myself.
By high school, I couldn't stand to look at myself in the mirror. Once I got weighed at school and received a letter from the district saying I should probably lose weight. When I read that, I cried and didn't eat until I felt like I was going to pass out.
I never developed full-on anorexia. I never purged. I never had to be hospitalized for my issues. But that's only because I was self-aware enough to tell my mom and my therapist and to get help. Just this past summer I started seeing a dietician. I struggle every day with not being satisfied with my body and thinking about food obsessively. It's always on my mind.
The anorexia epidemic in professional ballet is well-known, but no one thinks about the kids who are taught from such a young age to be aware of what they look like. Even having supportive teachers who never said anything about my weight, I still developed dysmorphic body image and disordered eating habits. This is all too common among young dancers.
Eating Disorder Awareness Week is more important than we might think it is. For not just dancers, but for young girls and boys everywhere. We need to start cultivating healthy body image in kids, especially dancers and other athletes. Maybe if we take measures to teach our kids what it means to live a healthy lifestyle and take care of their bodies because they love themselves, we might prevent these children from developing life-threatening eating disorders later in life.
