Every day, it scared me. Every day, I needed the security of having friends to sit with in high school. They didn't even need to be my friends, they just needed to be someone. Otherwise, everyone would think, "Look at her, what a loser. She must not have any friends." The worst thing is, I thought even worse things to myself.
But that was high school. I was young, ensnared in social norms, and more concerned about my image than I am now. When I first started college, I felt the need to always go to the KCC with friends. I didn't want to be seen alone. And most importantly, I didn't want to feel alone. I introduced myself to as many people as possible and we scheduled lunch dates and dinner dates and honestly, it got a bit much. Some days I noticed other people sitting by themselves up in a window sometimes on their laptop or listening to music. I noticed that I had seen them around on campus, surrounded by so many friends. I realized that I didn't think any less of them for sitting alone. So, I felt okay to start doing it too. While eating alone at first was a struggle, I soon became used to it. Getting food doesn't need to be a thought out process, including time after time of predetermining who you're going to sit with. Sometimes it's just, if you're hungry, go eat. It doesn't matter who you're with.
That's the thing about college. There aren't the cliques, popularity doesn't matter, and being by yourself isn't something that others put down. In fact, it should be encouraged. College is stressful enough as it is and sometimes you need a little time to yourself. That's okay. So when you really want to get some spinach & artichoke dip from the KCC during that weird hour when you know none of your friends are there, do it. I do it all the time.
Life as a student is certainly very social. I mean, we wake up and go to class with friends, which leads to after-school activities, which leads to going back to your dorm or apartment where your friends are. We are surrounded by social life, and stepping away from that is important. It's all about what you think of yourself, not about what others think of you. The insecure part of me would make me feel uncomfortable, make me feel pressured to use my laptop as a crutch and make it look like I was studying. But eventually, that faded away. The only opinion that matters was mine, and I felt confident enough to remind myself that I do have friends, I have a lot of amazing friends. Just because they aren't with me doesn't mean they don't care.
This lesson has taught me so much. Now I know that people don't really care if you go to the movies by yourself. Going to a party and meeting new people without your friends there is exciting. Spending a day to yourself is refreshing. So, my advice to anyone struggling with this insecurity is to just go out and be present with yourself. A date with me, myself, and I can really make a day that much better.
