In her memoir Eat, Pray, Love, Elizabeth Gilbert says that, “You need to learn how to select your thoughts just the same way you select your clothes every day. This is a power you can cultivate. If you want to control things in your life so bad, work on the mind. That’s the only thing you should be trying to control.”
As women, especially young women in college, we feel like we are walking a fine line between not having any control in our lives and having too much control over everything. We try our hardest to keep ourselves on the right track—finish all of our homework and projects on time, attend every lecture, lab, recitation and review session, make time for grocery shopping and meal prepping, get a workout in every day, and sleep the recommended 7-9 hours a night… I get exhausted just thinking about all that we have to juggle. On the other hand, we don’t want to completely micromanage our lives and come off as though we don’t know how to have fun. So, we start to slack on our homework, miss a few lectures, eat out a little more often than we’d like, skip a workout or two, stay up later than planned. It’s okay to experience both sides of control; in fact, it is necessary in order to understand what exactly we want out of a balanced life.
As Elizabeth said, when we focus on controlling the mind everything else follows suit. Everything we do is mental, everything stems from within---whether or not it blossoms into anything worthwhile is based on our choice to cultivate those thoughts. After joining CHAARG, a national female fitness organization, I have noticed just how many women once struggled with or are currently struggling with a warped perception of body image and self-worth. We would never dream of harassing another woman because of the way that she looks or pinch and poke her where we find her flaws, but for some reason we are able to do this to ourselves with ease. Why is it that we strive to empower other woman and yet still choose to beat ourselves up in the process?
This needs to end—we need to take a deep breath and learn to focus on ourselves, find what makes us healthy and happy and whole. This all comes from thought—we can BE whoever we want to be, FEEL whatever we want to feel, DO whatever we want to do. We have the choice.
But how can we choose our thoughts? When it feels as though there are so many odds against us, so many things to nitpick and ridicule about ourselves, how can we just choose to think something? As I have learned to choose my thoughts over the past few years, I have discovered different ways to begin this habit and work on myself:
Leave yourself little reminders.
During my first year of college, my roommate and I would leave little notes for one another around the room—in desk drawers, under books, taped to the wall. These little positive affirmations, quotes, compliments are a great way to bring you back to the present and to start your day off with a positive thought.
Start a journal.
As someone who thinks A LOT, I know that the best way to get out and sort through all of my thoughts is to journal. There is so much underlying thought in our actions and I don’t think we realize just how much we dwell on things that cause issues in other areas of our lives until we write them down. For those of you who don’t believe you are writers, something that could be an effective way to start journeling is to respond to quotes. The book of quotes that I have been responding to is Now Is the Time: 170 Ways to Seize the Moment by Patrick Lindsay. I close my eyes, flip to a random page and reflect on what is written—through this practice, I learn to expand my mind and slow down when reacting to things.
Take a walk.
Frustrated? Take a walk. Unhappy? Take a walk. Stressed? Take a walk. Your mind and body work together, so you mustn’t forget about either. Walking, preferably outside, is a great way to clear your mind and get back in touch with your body. Sometimes all we need is a little fresh air and time to ourselves without any distractions.
Take the advice of others.
To each their own—this practice is something that is very personal to me, but it is something that has been an effective way of choosing what to think. I have a basket full of fortune cookies in my room that my grandmother has collected over the years, and when I am feeling disheveled and overwhelmed, I pull out a cookie and apply what it says to my life. When all else fails and you feel as though you cannot change your thought, let someone else change it for you. The fortune I just pulled says, “Strong and bitter words indicate a weak cause.” Learn it, live it, be it. If you think strong and bitter thoughts to yourself, you are only showing your weaknesses. Don’t diminish your self-worth—CHOOSE to think highly of yourself, and you will learn quickly just how much strength you encompass.
