Who are we? Why are we here? What is our purpose in life? Is life real, or is this all just a dream? What happens to us when we die? What are morals? What is law? Is there a God?

All of these are intense philosophical questions with answers that are deeply sought after by philosophers and their students. However, as a 19-year-old who loves Netflix and chicken nuggets, I'm more concerned with the real truths, including the following twenty questions that will make you think and laugh at the same time.

1. Are eyebrows considered facial hair?

2. Why do they put holes in crackers?

Does it make me holy if I eat them?

3. Can an ambidextrous person make an offhand remark?

4. Why are shoe sizes different for men and women?

5. What was the best thing before sliced bread?

What did we say before our favorite cliches came to be? And when was sliced bread even invented?

6. If our knees were bent the other way, what would a chair look like?

7. Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

8. Is it wrong for vegetarians to eat animal crackers?

9. If a slice of bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round?

This is way too much effort to put into making a sandwich.

10. Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

11. Why do we choose from 2 people for President, but 50 for Miss America?

Even Obama is confused about this one.

12. Why do we pay tolls on freeways?

13. If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

Awwww, the poor little thing is trying to be modest!!

14. How do you throw away a garbage can?

15. What does water taste like?

Maybe water doesn't have a taste until you're high?

16. If two vegans are arguing, is it still called beef?

17. Why is a pizza box a square while the pizza is circular and the individual slices are triangular?

The person who came up with this system must have really loved geometry.

18. If you get out of the shower clean, then how does your towel get dirty?

19. If Cinderella's shoe fit perfectly, how did it fall off?

20. Do you eat ice cream cake with a fork or a spoon?

Is it cake? Is it ice cream? The world may never truly know, just like the world may never truly know the answers to these questions. While some philosophers continue to search for the meaning of life, I want to know the answers to the real questions, because Tarzan's lack of a beard is way more important than what happens to us when we die.