Why do you stay? Why do you stay when the days get long and lonely when he ignores you? Those days that never seem to end. They seem like one big, long, sad day without him there. Why are you hurting yourself over one guy? He gives you nothing, yet you give him everything, including your heart full of every emotion for him. What good is this doing for you? Everyday you wait and wait for him to just come around. The day that he'll say he was wrong to almost walk away. He'll wrap you in a hug and all will be all right. Or will it? You've seen this far too many times. The same never-ending cycle. They get mad, leave, and return with an apology. And they hit repeat several times. A never-ending cycle of hurt, happiness, constant talks, nothing at all, and everything. You go through the same motions so often that you don't even know you are broken beyond repair. So much that this cycle just seems routine and you are numb to the emotions. Seeing it happen, but not really experiencing it emotionally.
He needs you but he won't admit it. Why else would he keep coming back saying "sorry" or "you know I love you" or "friends still?" It may be exhausting, but he leans on you, yet it's easy to leave you for weeks at a time with no explanation. It just doesn't make sense, but you never question the situation. Instead, you just watch it happen over and over again. Getting use to this cycle has damaged your heart and judgement of people, greatly. You can't seem to tell what is good or toxic anymore. It has all become the same after so many years of this happening to you: same situation, different guys. The only question you have left is: why do I keep staying? This is the one you can't answer, but only you can figure it out. No one else can tell you how you feel or think. Trust your heart, because that is your greatest guide. There is a reason you stay and you will find it eventually. Don't lose hope. Just because you are broken doesn't mean you can't find a way to fix it. You may be broken beyond repair unless you have the desire to find a solution.
Don't let guys keep making you ask this question, find the answer and you'll find your way out. There will always be a way out, if you choose to want it. Most of the time we say things like, "it will get better eventually" or "it won't happen again." But we are wrong 60 percent of the time, which is one of the hardest things to see. We don't want to go through that pain of letting someone we love and care about go for good. Being hard to love and easy to leave is not something anyone wants to be, yet that's what you are to him. Why can't you do that to him, just walk away without looking back? That one's easy: because you care way too much and want to fix everything.
I know I do the same thing because I wear my heart on my sleeve everyday, every situation. But sometimes you have to walk away, and do what is best for you, for once.
