One quality that I truly love about my group of friends is our ability to ruthlessly embarrass each other. Nothing is funnier than reminiscing on stories of mortifying things we’ve drunkenly done and backing up the story with ridiculous pictures. I know I’m not the only one with such a loving group of friends that choose to bring up stories that we wish everyone would forget. I also know I’m not the only one that continuously does the same thing once they’ve had a few drinks. For me, after I’ve thrown back some Peach Burnett’s, I literally think I am the world’s best DJ. I will take over the music like it’s my job and start playing songs you haven’t heard since you awkwardly thought grinding at your 6th grade dance was cool. Everybody loves some Smash Mouth, OutKast, and Shaggy, right?
This is what everyone calls a “drunken alter ego”. Mine is somewhat unique, but more often than not, girls will fall into one of the following five categories:
Crying Kathy: If this is you, I am sincerely sorry for you. Honestly, from the bottom of my heart, I am so sorry - because it must be absolutely miserable to always end up crying when you are trying to have a good time. This girl seriously cries about everything. She may have spilt her drink or she may be bringing up her ex-boyfriend from when she was 13, but either way, she always finds a reason to cry. The only person whose life sucks more than Crying Kathy is Crying Kathy’s best friend who always has to comfort this emotional wreck.
Clumsy Kim: Once any form of alcohol has touched this girl’s lips, she is the definition of a klutz. She is spilling her drink all over herself and everyone within a 5 foot radius. She literally falls to the ground walking by herself but quickly bounces up while her best friend tells her that nobody saw (even though everybody saw). Clumsy Kim is easy to spot at a party because she is constantly falling – but stay away because chances are she will take you down with her. More often than not, Clumsy Kim wakes up in the morning curious as to where all her bruises came from and wondering if she got into some sort of bar fight.
FOMO Felicia: FOMO is a serious disease. One of my best friends has FOMO, and I have first-handedly seen the effects. FOMO is short for Fear of Missing Out. This girl does not want to be excluded from anything, whether it’s a girls’ trip to the bathroom or a cute picture that is Instagram worthy. Seriously, she will lose her shit if something happens and she wasn’t there to talk about it. However, I enjoy FOMO Felicia because she is always down for a good time. It doesn’t take much convincing to get her to go out, so when everyone else is being lame and studying on a Monday, you can count on her to meet you at Aardvark for drinks.
Eating Erica: Everyone needs an Eating Erica in their group of friends. Because if you don’t have an Eating Erica in your group, who the hell is going to wait in line with you at Salsa Limon or order six boxes of Topperstix with you?! The answer is no one. You will eat alone. I thank God for Eating Erica’s every time I am craving late night. But be careful – hang out with her too much and you are guaranteed to put on the freshman fifteen.
Slutty Samantha: Slutty Samantha is one of the most common drunken alter egos which is why I have left her to the end. Everyone has a Slutty Samantha in their group. And if you don’t think there is one, then it is probably you. You’ll lose her at the bar or party and find her flirting with some random guy. Her specialty is DFMO’s – dance floor make outs, and she will probably have multiple DFMO’s a night. When she wakes up the next morning, she’ll laugh it off and probably go make out with a few more strangers the next night. It’s like second nature to her. If you’re a good friend, you will keep an eye on her because she will probably accidentally make out with someone’s ex-boyfriend, and we all know how that goes (refer to Crying Kathy).
