Drunk texting is one of the most terrifying things in the world. We have all done it and we’ve all regretted it. Sometimes the texts are really funny, sometimes really revealing, and other times down right embarrassing. The horrifying messages you will be reading on your phone the next morning will no longer seem cute, charming, clever, or funny in the slightest. Instead, you will feel like you should have stayed in and ate that pint of Ben & Jerry’s instead. Reading the texts sober may give you a lot of insight about yourself and how you’re doing.
You’re an idiot. We all are at some point, but there is not a sensible reason for saying the things you did over the phone. It's not a difficult task to ruin friendships and relationships because of drunken words, but it's better if you can avoid it. Change your lock password, don't bring your phone, save yourself from these horrible missteps (that we all seem to make at one time or another).
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“I think we should break up”
One of those “It’s not you, it’s me” texts or maybe even a “No, it’s you” text. This never goes over so well in the morning and it’s really hard to take this one back as well. Sometimes, this reveals a lot about how you are feeling about your relationship and that maybe it needs a little re-evaluating.
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“I shouldn’t tell you this but…”
Sharing a really big secret that you shouldn’t really be telling anyone, let alone the person you’re telling something important. You lack a discretion you really should be valuing when you’re drunk, and you’re going to have to persuade the person you told to keep quiet!
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“I am going to make a really big decision right now”Guess what? You definitely did not make the best decision and you’re probably going to spend the entire day trying to figure out how to undo the decision that you did in fact make.
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“I am totally pissed off and I have no idea what you did or when you did it, but you should go die or fall off a cliff or something. And now I am going to proceed to tell you how much I hate your guts”
It is definitely not the right place or the right time, but if it’s gotta come out, it’s gotta come out. Who knows, maybe it’s something horrible and condescending they said months ago, or maybe it’s something stupid that is totally not important. Maybe something totally fake that never happened and your brain made up. But sometimes you get drunk, and what drunk you needs to say, you just say it. So your next move in the morning is to apologize and try and take back all the mean angry words you didn’t mean to say.
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The “I think we should totally date each other and I have secretly wanted to marry you for the longest time” drunk text:
Hopefully you don’t do this more than once in your entire life. If you do, you should seriously change your phone password before you go out. Perhaps you have had this really big crush on someone for a long time and were too afraid to tell him, but you had a little liquid courage to help you get it out. It’s easy to keep it together until you are drunk and everything just slips. It’s all a little hazy from the night before and then all of a sudden it hits you and you realize that you actually did send that text. Try and blame a friend stealing your phone or maybe the alcohol… and try to make them realize that you didn’t actually mean to tell them all of that. And then never do it again. And maybe change your phone number.
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“I really want to hook up with you and hope you can come get in bed with me in about 10 minutes” drunk text:
It’s usually the end of your night when you’re staggering home to pass out and you really just want someone to be there waiting for you as soon as you get back. Usually this kind of night ends with you asleep on the floor next to your bed instead of on your bed because you were really trying to get your shoes off. You just couldn’t do it standing up so you decided to sit down and try it, but then you were incapable of pulling yourself up off the floor. Basically, you gave way too many details about all the naughty things you wanted to do them. I mean, it could have been cute except for the fact you made a comment about how drunk you are.
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“I love you”
Yikes... you can’t take this one back. It’s really really tough. And it’s impossible to blame on someone else. And it is the worst possible drunk text you could possibly send. It’s the godfather of all drunk text messages. You really can’t take it back. Or pretend you didn’t send it. I mean, you had to tell that person at some point or another. It’s really not very romantic at all. I mean, horrible grammar, misspellings and extra letters make things super romantic.
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