The other night, after one too many drinks, I drunk texted my ex-boyfriend. It was one of the first times I had thought about him since our break up a month earlier. I panicked and texted back sorry wrong person and played it as cool as possible claiming that I had just texted the wrong person. The conversation was short, he literally said back oh it must have been. I said I was sorry for bothering him, and I hoped he was good.
I have been a down this road before when we were broken up the drunk texts would lead down a dark road I no longer want to be on. A part of my heart hurt that he didn't stick in the conversation longer, ask me how I was, tell me he missed me, but then every other part of me was glad, glad I didn't have to talk to him, glad that I could wake up the next morning and forget. However, I didn't, I thought about the conversation and what it meant. I thought about the short words, and I thought about why I texted him to start with.
I didn't text him because I missed him. It was a habit. A habit that when I drank too much, he would always be the person I texted. That is the hardest part about breaking up with someone, is wanting them when you are sad or have been drinking. Being drunk is a great excuse for missing someone, I use to believe that who you texted after a night out said a lot about how much you cared about that person, but now I realize this isn't true. Drunk texts are just a habit, it is your brain autopiloting, and it is totally okay.
So, you drunk texted your ex, and now you have no idea what to do. Well, you have two choices, you can delete the messages and not respond, or you can just play it off cool. The real trick is to not be invested in the answer, don't care. This is a great time to think about why you broke up, write a list and keep it and re-read it when you are tempted to send them a "You up?" Drunk texting your ex isn't the end of the world. It doesn't mean you haven't moved on.
I questioned this for a while, and I realized something, when I did miss him, when I did have feelings for him, I would have had a very different conversation, I would have said something along the lines of I miss you and probably a big speech about how we belonged together. It is a message I have both sent and received, it is a message that I have prayed for him to send me. It is a message that I also was shook when I got. It was a message that use to make me crumble and I would forgive him. This time though, I had no big speech on why we belonged together, I didn't miss him, and I didn't have to get another message back about how he missed me too and how shitty is life had been without me. I didn't hear an excuse. The conversation had nowhere to go. I realized I had started to move on, that I am moving on.
So, if you send your ex a drunk text, and you regret it, don't worry, it's not because you are missing him, it's not because you care, maybe a part of you does, but it's only a small part. It is not you. You don't owe him an explanation or an apology, you don't owe it to say you miss him. It okay to slip into a habit, it's okay to be weak for a moment, but wake up the next day and remind yourself why you chose to move on. Remind yourself why you deserve better. And remember to love yourself.
