To the drug addict I tried to love. | The Odyssey Online
Start writing a post
Parents

To the drug addict I tried to love.

loving an addict is a full time, unpaid gig.

47
To the drug addict I tried to love.

Loving someone has its trials to begin with. Ups, downs, highs, and lows. But, loving someone who’s an addict makes everything 10x’s harder.

It all began when I was young. I was 6, now I’m almost 20. My mom and I were best friends, we did everything together. She was truly the most wonderful person I knew. Until, she got addicted to pain pills, then later became addicted to heroin, now meth. She began to look different.

Her eyes changed. They became sad and depressed. Her appearance changed, she weighed only 190 pounds. Her teeth began to rot, she looked like she had aged 10 years. She was no longer the person I knew or the person I loved.

She traded her wedding rings, my iPhone, my sisters iPod, our car even, all for money to buy drugs. It all began with a choice she made that later turned into a disease. My parents divorced when I was 10 and my dad seemed happier already. He was only staying with her for our sake, but when he realized we were better off without her, my siblings and I, he divorced her.

He didn’t want to give up, but had no choice. The woman he loved was gone.

On my 13th birthday she was suppose to take me out for lunch, but never came to get me. Instead her parents did and later they told me my mom had been arrested. Since then, she’s been in jail multiple times and prison twice. Keep in mind, my mom would have never hurt a fly. My mom was a beautiful, kind hearted woman. This was all the drugs doing. That wasn’t my mom who went to jail, it was someone the drugs had created.

I saw her overdose, which still haunts me. I’ve seen many things I wish I could unsee. I constantly worried and still do about her. Where she is, if she’s okay, why I haven’t heard from her, who she’s with, what she’s doing. I live in constant fear that i’ll wake up to a phone call from someone hearing she’s overdosed and is dead. Every time I get a call from my grandma, i hesitate to answer, terrified it’ll be about my mom.

There was a time or few, when I didn’t speak to my mom at all. I couldn’t. I couldn’t bare to even look at her, it caused so much pain. I was blamed for so many things, nothing was ever her fault. The guilt nearly ate me alive. I struggled for years trying to cope with her being an addict, then believing it was my fault. I still struggle to be honest. When you’re told something so many times, you begin to believe it.

However, I think the best thing someone can do when they’re put in the situation of loving an addict is, let go. You have to let go of the person you remember, no matter how hard it is. Right now, that person is gone. Remembering who they were is painful. I know, for me it is atleast. Every time I talk to her, I wish for my mom to answer the phone, but she never has. It’s always been this new person. So, I just go along with it.

I tell her everything is fine, I have a conversation, then we hang up and go to our seperate lives. She loves me unconditionally, I know that and I love her too. But, you have to put yourself first. You have to take care of yourself. Remember, it’s not your fault. No matter how guilty you feel, it will never be your fault.

Loving an addict is hard and it’s a full time gig. Sometimes I wish I could stop. I wish I could just give it to god, but part of me will always have hope that she’ll clean up someday.

Related Articles Around the Web
Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
one tree hill
Wikipedia Commons

If you need a new series to watch, I recommend One Tree Hill. I watched this series three times now and it only keeps getting better. If you need any more reasons beside the fact that all of the seasons are on Netflix for your binge-watching pleasure, here are seven more reasons to watch it.

Keep Reading...Show less
University of Mount Olive
University of Mount Olive

College is the most exciting time of a person's life. It really is. Exciting is not always a positive feeling though. Excited is a feeling that can be associated with nervousness, anxiety and more. Here are some real tips for college freshman that go beyond the typical, "Go to class," lecture.

Keep Reading...Show less
Relationships

The 5 Pros and Cons Of Long Distance Friendships

Being friends with someone thousands of miles away has its drawbacks and perks.

1030
friends on the beach

True friendship is incredibly rare, and to find a friend that will be there for you through all of life's curveballs is something quite unique. To add distance into the equation, maintaining a real, true friendship can be a struggle. There are good and bad parts that come with long distance friendship.

Keep Reading...Show less
high school girls
Tori Horne

Friendship. It's defined as the state of being attached to another person by feelings of affection or personal regard, but what really is friendship? Is it that occasional hallway talk with that one person who always manages to cheer you up? Is it that relationship you have with someone where they can be gone for a long period of time, but when they come back, it's like they never left? Is it spending every waking hour with someone, and knowing every detail about their life? Is it the relationship that's filled with fighting, but filled with even more resolution? I've learned that it's all of these things, and every friendship is different. It's a beautifully dysfunctional mess that should always be cherished and never be taken for granted.

Keep Reading...Show less
cousins
Bailey Totten

I've known you your entire life. More than likely I held you in the first three days of it and at least one of us cried. Cousins are truly one of the best things in the world and while sometimes I complain about how many people crowd Grandma's living room on Christmas Eve, I wouldn't trade you all anything.

You are my best friends, the only people who can understand what it's like on Thanksgiving, and you are the spunkiest people I have ever met. But you as so so young, most of you are just now starting your adventures in the public education system. I mean, I'm so very young too. I'm not married, I don't have children, heck, I just started my adult life, but I do want to give you what little advice I have. My dears, these are the things I want you to know.

Keep Reading...Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments