If you’re like me, or any other sane human being, you may be reading this thinking, “I hate drama. Drama sucks. I don’t want to deal with it. I don’t even want it to exist.” And if you’re in a happy, great place in your life right now and you don’t need this advice, please, by all means, scroll on. I highly suggest that you stay, though because let me tell you, I’ve been there too. It’s a great place to be, dry on shore, on an island let’s say. You’re happy and surrounded by family and friends, content.

This does not always last.

And this is not to say that I’m in any way trying to burst your bubble. I’d love nothing more than for you to stay on that island. Please. Build a shelter there. Don’t ever leave. But this article is for you too, for when the rescue boat comes, you decide to get on, and get caught in a storm out at sea. You have to get on the rescue boat sometimes because the island is too small for you to grow. It will stifle you if you stay there too long, and I hope you can go back, but sometimes you have to get on the boat. However, this boat isn’t always safe because it is new and unfamiliar, and taking a dangerous passage. Sometimes this boat’s the Titanic...yikes. You won’t always see things (read: drama) like this coming. And for those of you, who like me, no matter how hard you try, always find yourself swimming (read: drowning) in an ocean of ongoing problems, through a rain storm of trouble, and beneath a lightning storm of complications, let me teach you how to swim.

The first step is to diagnose drama.

Find the causes of drama in your life.

Find the people, find the incidents, find the triggers. Do you hang around with the wrong crowd? Do you attract the wrong people? Do you put your foot in your mouth? Is there a similar theme to the arguments that circle and circle around you?

Hint: sometimes the cause is yourself.

But first let’s talk about others. My dad told me once that sometimes you have to keep people at arm’s length. I laughed, honestly. How would that fix the problem? I love to love people. I give people my whole and entire heart, and I refuse to ask for it back. And maybe this is just me, maybe you aren’t like me, but if you are, you know that this does not always turn out so well. Other people are often careless with your heart. These are the people that should be at the tip of your fingertips, not tugging at the heart on your sleeve. If you are surrounded by these people, weed them out. You don’t have to cut ties, or maybe you do, but keep them at arm’s length, whatever this means for you. Don’t tell them everything that’s on your mind. Don’t gossip to them. Don’t gossip about them. There isn’t a problem here, just a conscious decision that you need some distance.

And if you are the cause of the drama, (which let me tell you, you can be) let me bring you to step number two, and it’s okay, we all cause drama. Read step 2.

The second step…shut your mouth.

Or as my mom likes to say...zip it.

If you’re like me and even if you’re not, (please, play along for a few moments), you may have the tendency to over-process things. I do this by talking. I talk to everyone about everything. If I’m stressed for even five minutes, someone is going to hear about it. And this is great for me. My problems become other people’s problems for a few minutes. It’s awesome. I get to wait for their response, then probably disregard it, and continue on in my headstrong way, cycling back through the same conversations multiple times. Awesome. I process out loud. It works for me. It might work for you too, but it’s not always working for the people around you, and you have to remember that.

I’m lucky because I have some pretty incredible friends that know I do this and are either A. really good at ignoring me or B. really good at separating my problems from their own. And when they’re not, I’m a little hard to handle. But all this does, really, all it does is stir the pot, which is good because sometimes the pot needs to be stirred or everything burns on the bottom, but don’t keep stirring the pot or your arm will get tired and the spoon might melt.

Complaining transfers stress. It’s great every once in awhile. It helps you build relationships with the people that you’re close with. It helps you make your way through the world. It’s the rope course across the churning ocean that keeps us all sane, but if it’s all you do, if all you do is complain and talk, you’re causing the drama, and you’re going to get rope burn.

Try listening, it can often be equally therapeutic (more on this next). So shut your mouth. Stop. Write it down. Turn it into an Odyssey Article, turn it into a song, turn it into a painting. Turn it into a long walk by yourself. Lessen the amount of problems you put on other people, and instead, try to throw a life raft.

The third and last step to dealing with drama is reducing stress.

Stress is like the moon, its ebb and flow, like the gravitational pull of the moon, controls the tide of drama. We’re all less pleasant people to be around when we’re stressed. This can cause us to vent, to gossip, to feel irritation toward people that we’re close with. This can all be avoided or minimized by reducing stress. Spend time doing what makes you happy with the people that make you happy.

Find activities that help you to reduce stress in your life. Meditate, exercise, read a book, write a story. Spend time laughing with friends and not complaining to them. Reducing stress will help you to improve your life as a whole, and you’ll see that drama around you begins to reduce because you’re less high-strung about everything, and so is everyone around you.

Dealing with drama is never fun, and it’s rarely easy.

Making conscious decisions to reduce drama in your life, though, does not have to be painful. Stop for a second and consider the impact that you have on the people around you. Don’t take all the blame, but maybe just take a piece of it. Do your part to control it, and I promise, you’ll see drama begin to evaporate…and maybe collect in the clouds for another rain storm…