Going through sorority recruitment at DePaul was one of the best decisions I made in my life. There. I said it. It was. I found my forever friends, my future bridesmaids, and the aunts to my future children. I found people who will text me and ask to have breakfast before a study abroad event so she can rant about what happened to her the night before. I found people who have seen me ugly cry and still think I’m cool enough to hang out with. Hell, I even found people who are willing to spend $1,000 to come to Hawaii with me for a week!

But none of that changed the fact that I needed to drop from my sorority.

My freshman year was a tough one for me. I was homesick, going through a tough relationship, and just all around confused about where my future was going to take me. I didn’t perform academically like I expected I would, and that stressed me out. At the end of my freshman year, my GPA was in the dirt.

But towards the end of my freshman year, I got the most amazing opportunity I could’ve asked for; I was going to be co-director of an organization that stole my heart from the beginning, I would be working to create a summer camp for kids whose parents had cancer. I would be one of 2 college students in charge of running this organization at DePaul and that was a lot of responsibility and a lot of work.

At that point, dropping from my sorority seemed to be the only choice. It would free up my time to help me focus on school and this other organization and it would also mean spending less money since I wouldn’t be paying dues. It was a good, but hard, decision for me, and I went for it. I didn’t tell anyone that I was going to drop, I just did it.

Dropping that was the hardest thing I had to do. Dropping meant leaving behind amazing friends, a great philanthropy, and opportunities to grow with women who knew what I was facing. But I realized I made genuine connections with wonderful women who continue to inspire me to this day and I figured that if they were my friend while I was still wearing my letters, they would still be my friend after.

For most of the people I met, that was true. There are still those people who think I have betrayed them by dropping. There are people who are genuinely mad that I didn’t tell them, but to them, I say this: I didn’t tell you because I knew you would convince me to stay. You’d convince me that I would have enough time to do school, work, the sorority, and the other organization. You’d say that I couldn’t drop. You’d say I shouldn’t. But I had to.

To anyone still mad I never personally told you I was dropping, I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I couldn’t bear to relive one of the hardest decisions I’ve ever made every time I had to tell someone. I’m sorry you couldn’t see that. I’m sorry you never understood my struggle during my first year of college.

To all of the PNM’s running home this rush season, congratulations on making the best decision you’ll make in college. To all my friends bringing those girls home, help them find their forever friends, their future bridesmaid, and the aunts to their future children.

I hope none of you have to make the decision I had to, but if you do, know that you will find genuine friends to help you through it. I know I did, and I couldn’t thank them enough for it.