As told by a semi-reformed party girl. Bottoms up.

Drinking in your 20s.

1. “Pregaming”

Your pregame destination is either a) in your car or b) friend’s house with the most chill roommates. Timing can vary based on the day’s activities - ranging from 6am (football tailgate) to 10pm (average Thursday). You know you’re ready to head to the bar when you cannot form an English sentence.

2. Beverage(s) of choice

In college, I used to drive around with a fifth of Burnett's vodka & a case of Boone's Farm in my trunk at all times. & yes, I mixed them together.

The cheaper, the better. So, ANYTHING free.

Cocktails with the most liquor added. Note: this includes “juices” & “punches” served at frat parties.

3. Nightly progression

11:30 is the absolute earliest time of arrival. Only people over 30 go to bars before then. Dance. Sweat. Avoid mirrors. Rage until bar closes or you’re escorted from the building on a bouncer’s shoulder.

4. Afterparties

The night is young. Arrive at your favorite 24-hour diner or sit in line at Taco Bell for 30 minutes. Nothing to complete a night of partying like a heaping plate of nachos at 4 am.

5. The morning after

You’ve maybe slept 4 hours when your roommate asks if you want to go back to diner mentioned above for brunch. YUP. Run a toothbrush over your molars, do a quick eye smudge of last night’s makeup, & you’re ready.

Now, for a more mature approach. Drinking in your 30s.

1. “Pregaming”

Pregaming is a thing of the past. Now, a night out starts with dinner. You may enjoy a drink paired with your $20 salad if you feel like doing 60 minutes of cardio for 4 days in a row.

2. Beverage(s) of choice

You pick ONE alcohol, & drink it the entire night. Mixing beverages results in you turning into a corpse for 3+ days. Acceptable options include light beer, wine, anything bourbon-based, & dirty martinis. MyFitnessPal rules out anything else.

Exception: bachelorette parties. Then, you splurge for the vodka soda. Get it, girl.

3. Nightly progression

No lines. No covers. No standing.

You may float to a couple different locations, but there is no "bar hopping" - unless it's the night of your work Christmas party. Then, these rules do not apply.

4. Afterparties

Ha. There’s no afterparty! You’re like Cinderella. Once the clock strikes midnight, you Irish exit to don your favorite jammies. Your sudden disappearance ignites terror in zero of your friends. They know you’re safely at home, snuggling with a fur baby.

5. The morning after

Crawl to kitchen. Swallow handful of ibuprofen. Avoid light until sundown. Postmates a spinach & egg white omelette. Tip extra for having them come directly into your bedroom. Vow to never drink more than 2 glasses of wine again.

So class, while each of these decades offer very different experiences, pros & cons remain for both. Personally, these old bones couldn’t take one more night of my 20s. I think that means I did it right?

Regardless - stay safe. Enjoy your livelihood. Make mistakes, just be sure you’re making the right ones.