Dreamweaver

I have this dream,

That lingers around not only by night but also by the day

It’s like I‘m stuck stuck in an endless sleep

I know she doesn’t feel the same way.

What I feel in this lucid reverie

It’s something one wouldn’t normally feel

Between Happiness, Pain, Bliss, and Misery

I don’t know whether I’m going to finish breaking of heal.

Worst part about being a lucid day dreamer:

I know it’s just a fantasy

But she’s my dreams weaver

Could this just bring me to some catastrophe?

I have this dream

That I didn’t ruin things the way I did in our reality

That I wasn’t so heartless and mean

That we lived a happy life, like a fairy tale fantasy

I’ve had this dream so long, I do not want to wake

I want to stay thinking I’m happy, than to wake up to a cruel reality

The reality that I ruined our love's sake

And also it’s sanity

Forgive me for every mistake

For everything I ruined

Especially causing you pain

I really hope that one day I will wake up from my dream, make it a reality, i also hope, that I'm not to late.

This poem is but a small representation of my feelings. I messed up a lot in the past I never realized how bad or ever how much I was messing up until I lost her, until it was too late to say I was sorry. I was living as a hellish, heartless, jerk. I didn't care for really anything and was just all out mean and always mad for no reason. Yet at the same time, I was deeply in love, extremely and utterly in love. I still am. But, I never really showed it since I always lived in a deep fear and anger. So I let everything go bad: I ruined everything with the absolute love of my life.

I do not sleep much, but when I do, I dream of her. Every time, I dream about the good times and how it felt to be around her how it felt to be happy when I held her hand, hugged her, or even when I just looked into her eyes. I hurt her, I didn't realize how much I was doing it or how much pain I was ever causing, until now... Even then, as I said I don't care how long it takes or how much effort I have to put into it, I will fix things: I know I can make everything right again. I can make all my dreams, a reality.