Every so often I dream of death

Too often

Of killings so murderous that it feels real

There is always crying; sometimes in the dream, sometimes in real life

I’ve lost count of the number of ways I’ve seen it play out in my dreams

But why do I keep calling them dreams when I mean to say nightmares?

Battle royale, grim reapers, haunted spirits, possessed beings, shootings

Why won’t they stop?

People are always dying around me and all I can do is watch it happen

And it’s terrifying because I can never wake up until it’s my turn.

And then I used to think about why my subconscious can never let it go

I am scared of death, I am scared of people leaving, I am scared of being left alone, but I am scared of people

But someone very recently has told me something

And I didn’t know quite what to say at first, because the possibility was so hopeful after all the death. I am witness to in the nights that it simply never occurred to me.

“Maybe it’s not about death,”

“Maybe it’s about survival”