I've always been told to reach for the stars. You know, that cliché sort of belief that you can do anything if you set your mind to it. To be quite honest, I've always been more of a realist. I've never thought to dream big because how many people actually get what they set out to do or get what they wish for?
Finding interest in journalism in high school, I decided that this was it for me, and that's what I wanted to do forever. But again, I was a realist about it. I never once thought I'd get anywhere on a broadcast network or write for the New York Times, but rather, I'd get some small town journalist job. However, I had to question if this was really what I wanted for myself. Why get stuck in a small town? I already grew up in one and knew I hated it. I hated the idea of everyone knowing my business and never being able to go to the store without stopping for a 20-minute conversation because I saw someone I barely knew.
Even though I didn't ever believe that I'd get to my dream job, I knew my whole life that I was going to make something of myself. In high school, this caused a lot of animosity toward me. People joked around, even bullied me because I was always "too smart" or too much of a "goody-two-shoes" to ever stray away from the path I wanted to create for myself. Being teased for being smart doesn't sound like a bad thing at face-value, but I've never gotten over being put down and feeling like an outcast for trying to succeed in life. I've never thought I was necessarily smart either. Sure, I scored average on the SATs, but I only ever received good grades because I was driven. If I failed a test or didn't know the material, I'd stay after class to meet with a teacher because I refused to fail.
Entering college, I thought more and more about what my dream job really was. I was hard pressed to find what that actually entailed. Was it broadcast? Writing for a newspaper? Was it magazine journalism or radio? I guess I'm still trying to figure that all out. Some days, I thought no matter what I decided to do, all of it scared me to death. What if I fail? What if I'm not good enough? What if I don't have the 'look' that a company wants? What if I don't get a job after college at all? Yet, I had to be real with myself. Why was I so scared of a job that I loved? Why was I afraid to fail? I think that was a moment of epiphany for me-- I realized "if your dream doesn't scare you, it isn't big enough."
In taking a video production course for my major, I failed numerous times. I was a novice. I never knew there were even rules to shooting video. Although the course was painful because I had to redo many projects, it taught me that failing was a good thing, that if I didn't fail I couldn't fix it and improve my skills.
What I'm trying to say is that, though I'm a realist, I've also had to stomach the fact that I only have one life to live and if I'm not trying to make the best of it and chase after what I want most in life, then I'm not living my best life, but rather, I'm settling for a mediocre one.
So, to other realists out there or anyone feeling like you'll never make something of yourself, prove them wrong. If at first, you don't succeed, try and try again.
