STOP! Before you read any further you should know that this is not about the Comedy powerhouse movie. It is a real life account of figurative and literal Wedding Crashers. If this offer of humor and FML moments does not appeal to you than stop reading. If it does, then please proceed......

12 Things I learned are important from weddings by never being the bride:

1. The Groom.

Every girl has dreamed about her wedding day since she was old enough to remember. Whether you were a flower girl or watched a scene in a movie or witness an aunt or older cousin get married; the moment you saw that white dress and heard the chords of “Here comes the bride”. You have everything dreamed up perfectly, the dress, the flowers, maybe even the venue or the look on your parents face. Everything is planned except the groom. The key factor that makes this entire dream possible is the one part of this dream you can not plan. Sure you can insert your most current infatuation in the groom’s position but until that day actually comes to life, you can not picture your groom there.

Grooms are funny, some could care less about the day and others care almost as much as the bride. The incentive for a groom to be happy has grown, ranging from superhero themed weddings to Groom's cakes to them getting their own processional as they make their way down the isle to the alter to wait for their lady in white. I have seen several grooms make an entrance serenaded by their wrestling idols theme song, "The Final Countdown" and even Folk chase music. Being the groom today is kind of a sweat deal. Literally because you get your own cake and, usually, its themed. Shotgun a Darth Vader themed cake for my future hubby, lucky bastard.

2. The Bridal Party

I’ve been a flower girl at least twice in my life, a bridesmaid at least twice, a maid of honor once and a guest at many a wedding. Clearly I don’t have the jaw dropping experience as Katherine Hiegle but I have taken in depth notes from every experience I have had and hopefully what I have planned will be perfect. When picking your bridal party theres a few things to consider. The first and most obvious, family.

You can plan your whole wedding down to the letter but not anticipating that your future spouse has a plethora of siblings can put a kink in your plans. Suddenly your three person wedding party is a dozen, each. I don't even know a dozen people I would like to invite to a dinner party!

After family comes friends. We get it, some of you have like eight best friends but not everyone should be in your wedding. Honestly, some "Feel good friends" shouldn't be in the bridal party, invite them, make them the fun table at your wedding, absolutely! But you seriously have to consider if these are the men and women you are going to want to see in your wedding photos 20 years down the road. Theres been weddings where bridal party members have faded out before the wedding even took place! Its hard enough planning a wedding but if these people you ask are not ones you can count on, then they aren't bridal party material. Consider your options carefully and in 20 years hopefully you will still be with those people who were a part of the biggest day of your life.

I love the idea of kids in a wedding, what I don't like is taking it too far. My best friend's wedding was great, except when I had to walk down the isle holding the hand of a small child, I was not related too who did not speak fluent English. This wasn't a problem until he started swinging the pillow around that had the rings tied to it.

Admittedly, this was not very well thought through. Sure we can laugh about it now. However, everyone that was close enough, who told him to stop, could not get through to this child. Not for a second did the he stop. I had a horrible image of the rings flying off into the bushes, into the nearby swimming pool or just anywhere but the pillow, giving me heart palpitations. The rings arrived at the alter safely and I avoided fainting so alls well that ends well but for those who plan to have any small child or pet bring rings to the alter for them, do everyone a favor and train them. Yes, I'm well aware I just compared a small child to a dog or other household pets. Either way, use treats.

Finally, we come to the wild cards. We all have that one friend, maybe two friends, who turn any and all occasions into a party. And they have to be the life of the party. From wild-about-bachelore-beefcake-groomsmen bridesmaids to groomsmen who start drinking the morning before the rehearsal dinner and do not stop until they go to bed after the reception the next day. I know what some of you are thinking "I wanna party with them!" not at a wedding filled with your family members and your new in-laws you don't.

You will have fun taking pictures and videos with them for the first five minutes, but when your guests or fellow bridal party entourage have to take turns keeping an eye on the wild card, it becomes a bit much. And it happens at every. Single. Wedding. One person goes too hard and forgets that the day is not about them. You already know who this person is that you have in mind, and you are most likely going to ask them to be in your party anyway. My advice, have an awesome Matre D'. Or at the very least, an awesome support system from the rest of your party. If all else fails, lock them in the restroom farthest from the reception hall. Just make sure you don't forget them in there. I wish I was kidding.

3. Catering to your guests.

Weddings are expensive. No doubt about it. But sacrificing your guests comfort just to get the venue of your dreams may not be the best course of action. What do I mean? Well If you are getting married on St. Patrick's day when prices are boosted at certain halls, DO NOT have a dry wedding. Open bar is the least you can do for your closest friends and family coming to celebrate the happiest day of your life. Also don't just do appetizers in a serving manner. Buffet style weddings are awesome, seriously, I will go up and get chicken on a stick 20 times if I can! But too often people don't do a dinner because they think serving hors d'oeuvre is good enough. Not so. If you take this route, make sure the appetizers are flowing like wine. People should never be hungry at your wedding. If you do do an entrée, remember not everyone eats meat or fish. "Chicken, steak or fish" not really appealing to your vegetarian guests. It can cost less than other entrées too.

4. Time of Year.

This effects everything from, traveling guests, the honeymoon, food options, clothing choices for the bridal party. Ceremony being indoors or outdoors. Rain may be a sign of good luck but for outdoor ceremonies it can stop a wedding before it takes place.

5. Dresses.

You aren't in this dress just for the ceremony, you are in this dress for hours upon hours, and u are walking around in those shoes too. Too many times i have seen fashion turn ugly on Brides. The dress would fall down, it was uncomfortable, too hot, too tight, the beading irritated the skin to the point where it was raw or bleedings, the shoes made people trip down the isle or for their entrance into the reception hall. Honestly, bring flip flops to change into. And 9 times out of 10 no one even sees the shoes.

6. OPEN BAR.

Just do it.

7. Entre.

Never as good as the cocktail hour. But good effort!

8. First Dance.

Keep in mind people will be standing STARING at you as you awkwardly sway with your new husband/wife. You can cut the song down, do something more upbeat, invite couples to come join you on the dance floor or Rick Roll. I'm a big fan of that myself.

9. Photos.

I watched someone get into a fight with their photographer on their wedding day. Not something you want to deal with. Portfolios are vital but personality is how you get those amazing photos. Some places are amazing and offer a standby photographer just incase your photographer can't make it, even at the last minute, they send the backup.

10. Walking down the isle.

Weddings have broken away from traditional white weddings. Disney allows you to be brought to the alter via horse and buggy or even Cinderella's carriage. Some ride horses, some walk arm in arm with their parent/s and one (my personal favorite) is being driven to the alter sitting in the bed of a pickup truck. No joke. Getting from point A to point B has become a show unlike any other. I can't hear "Forever" by Chris Brown without visualizing a dancing wedding party.

11. Matre D'.

Get a cool one. I'm not joking. They need to be on point but they also need to be able to make sure your happiness is their first priority. They need to know how to keep things in order as well as to send a tray of food to the bridal suite. You don't want them to kick out your drunk friends and family but you o want them to know how to corral them.

12. DJ.

This person is going to announce you for the first time as husband and wife. Ask them to try the line out a few different ways, the one that gives you goosebumps is the usually the one. A playlist is great and easy for them but some DJs will go out onto the dance floor and entertain your guests, others will stay in their booth, pretend to take requests then play what they want. Word of mouth is a great way to pick your perfect entertainer.

While there are dozens of details involved in planning a wedding this was purely intended to find some humor in the big things. Whatever floats your boat, but when it comes to your wedding hopefully the most important detail will be the devotion between the two people standing center stage saying "I do". Everything else is just decoration. As long as you've got that than your wedding will be a great success.