Confession: I Am A Doubting Thomas | The Odyssey Online
Start writing a post
Lifestyle

Confession: I Am A Doubting Thomas

The spiritual high and the spiritual lows.

116
Confession: I Am A Doubting Thomas
Facebook

Have you ever had a Jesus high? That thing where you feel on top of the world after a Steubenville conference, a Luke 18, or even a church camp? Me too. It is usually caused by a moment where you knew 110 percent that Jesus was present, that you were loved, and that things were going to be OK. You hope in your heart that the feeling will last forever, but you know in your head that it will pass, and a couple weeks later it does.

So what now?

Now you find yourself doubting whether the experience you had was even real and if God is even there. You are not overwhelmed with joy anymore, and you cannot feel Him near. That is just it. You are looking with feelings instead of with faith. Yes, God can work in and through our feelings, but it is when we cannot feel Him and we continue to pray and worship Him that He is often the closest.

This was the first summer since 2010 that I did not have to ride the Steubenville emotions rollercoaster, and man did it feel good, but I have been there.

After my senior year of high school, I attended my final Steubenville as a teen, and I did not really know what to expect. My grandpa had just passed away, I had just graduated high school, and my faith was in a weird place. Not expecting to have anything too significant happen, I had one of the most amazing experiences of my life.

Saturday night, Adoration began, and I began to fall apart. I was angry with God. He took my grandpa away from me. He sent me constant temptations to fight and battles that had me at rock bottom time and time again. I doubted my worth, my identity as a Catholic and my ability to be loved. As the song "Lay it Down" began to play, I decided it really was time for me to lay it all down because I was suffocating under the weight of it all. As I felt the weight lift from my shoulders, I looked up to find Father Mike Schmitz progressing toward me with Jesus in the monstrance. As I placed my hands over my heart to remind myself that my heart was beating for a reason, Father stopped in front of me. As if this moment of gazing at my Savior two feet in front of me was not beautiful enough, Father then knelt in front of me. My face was three inches from Jesus, as he called for me, his beloved. I will never forget this experience.

Two years ago, I came face to face with Jesus, yet I still find myself doubting His presence.

That is crazy, right? Well, no. We are human. We are driven by our emotions, which are not usually reliable (thanks, Adam and Eve). Like I said before, God works through our emotions, and that is truly a gift, but He also works in our spiritual dryness.

Steubenville is great, and retreats are great, but we often forget the reality of the presence of God in our lives every single day. We need to hold onto these big emotional moments and appreciate them, but we must also take the graces they give us into the desert, into the spiritual dryness, and look for faith, not feelings.

"And lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age." Matthew 28:20

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
Entertainment

Disney magic for New Year!

The "Happiest Place on Earth" has a lot of characters with some pretty great advice.

4227
Disney magic kingdom castle on new years
StableDiffusion

Disney movies are well known and very popular in today's world. Although many people appreciate the plot and the storyline, not many people appreciate the wisdom these characters possess. Every Disney movie has unique advice that can be applied to everyday life. Here are 11 Disney quotes to help start your New Year off right:

Keep Reading...Show less
Lifestyle

40 Gift Ideas for the Indecisive

It's a time of love, family, memory-making, and gift-giving. But also a time of stressing over the perfect gift.

118672
Christmas gifts around a tree
StableDiffusion

It's officially December. There is less than a month of 2024, and I still feel like yesterday was summer. Now comes the merriest time of the year, the Christmas season.

Everyone has been waiting for this time of year since mid-October (which is way too early, in my opinion) or before. It's a time of love, family, memory-making, and gift-giving. A lot of times when I ask friends and family what they want, I get a lot of "I don't know" or "I don't care."

Keep Reading...Show less
Lifestyle

Bucket List To Live In The Now

Find excitement in your life and start exploring wherever you are right here, right now.

795
mu bucket list

I was sitting at my cubicle, now that I am an adult, looking at the rain pouring down on the windowsill, bumming on life, wishing for the rain to just stop for a full day.

There are moments where we count down the hours until work is over and how many more days till the weekend, and this many weeks until something exciting. Or something like that? Well, I was bumming because my next day off from work is not until Memorial Day weekend, which is not until the end of May. And since this is my first year out of college being a “real person,” I am totally missing the winter, spring and summer breaks. I am sure all of us have felt this way even if just for a hot minute…

Keep Reading...Show less
Entertainment

11 Ways To Survive Finals As Told By Leslie Knope

Because you know you're going to be stressed out, and Leslie knows exactly how to survive.

592
Everything hurts and I'm dying

So finals are on their way. That's right everybody, finals are about to start.

But hey, don't panic. Start getting your affairs in order and prepare for a week of hell. Here's a few things Leslie Knope wants you to do to make your finals week just a little bit less stressful:

Keep Reading...Show less
Kent State University
Great Value Colleges

If you go to or went to Kent State, then more than likely you have done or will do some of these things.

1. You’ve slipped and fallen on the ice at least once.

The winters at Kent are brutal, and while the heated sidewalks and some great snow boots are always a help, there’s no chance you won’t bust it on the ice at least once in your four plus years at school.

Keep Reading...Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments