Heat rises to the back of my neck as my ears redden, my heartbeat quickens in anxiety. I wipe my sweaty palms against my dark denim, but nothing can wipe away the fear. As I fidget in my seat, negative thoughts race through my mind. What if I can’t compare? What if they hate my work? I shouldn’t have even come. Thoughts of opposition plague many of us, with most of the hate coming from within. As the mind works against you, it is important to develop weaponry to fend yourself from the Self.
Recently I had my first single performance as a poet at an Emory Dark Arts hosted an event titled Mental Health and Well Being Showcase. This was quite nerve-wracking for me, because of my lack of experience and to top it off my week had already been full of mental and physical challenges. The event showcased unique, amazing, works of performative art that were quite moving for the audience. Besides already being worked up from the emotion-evoking pieces I had just witnessed, I felt sick to my stomach at the thought of how my poetry would fare in comparison. By the time it came to my turn, my heart was pounding out of my chest. As I walked up the stage, I looked out to the scattered crowd, took a deep breath, and began my poem.
At the end of my piece, I felt quite open and vulnerable, worried about the reaction from my peers. Thankfully, the performance ended up being a success. I received a lot of positive feedback and the wonderful members of Dark Arts were supportive as always. As the comments of appreciation came, I slowly began to feel a bit more at ease.
When I got home, I reflected on my day. I realized that I had literally spent the whole day stressing over two minutes that actually proved to be an enjoyable experience. Why hadn’t I been able to get over the anxiety much earlier on?
Now I’m going to be honest. For some people, anxiety can be a temporary emotion. Other times, it can be a truly strenuous disorder, stressing and straining the lives of millions of people. There is no one way to make yourself feel better, as anxiety has no quick fix. We can only be honest with ourselves about the problems we face and what we can do to cope with them. Our problems are not all the same, so our methods can’t be exact, but I want to offer a piece of advice that has proven to be helpful for me.
My current self-care has been centered around me being honest, yet appreciative of myself.
This form of self-care is moving past simply physical celebration, but truly appreciating who I am and how far I have come. Often times, my thoughts are plagued with negativity and self-doubt.
One way that I am incorporating self-appreciation into my life is taking moments to slow those thoughts down, bring my mind back to square one, and simply breathe. I choose to let myself feel my own feelings, whatever they may be, but I always reel it back to something positive and thankful. In continuing this week, I challenge you all to practice self-care through honesty and see what it does for you.
