I'm sorry.

I could get in trouble for this. I could lose friends over this. This could sting a bit like hydrogen peroxide on a fresh cut. But here's the thing — I don't care about your relationship.

Somewhere after scrolling past the seventh (or 10th? 15th?) relationship post on Facebook did I seriously (like ~seriously~) consider just unfriending everyone who is constantly posting about their relationship, their boyfriend and what they did for his birthday, their fiancé and how excited they are for the wedding, their husband and how they came home to a clean house and dishes and isn't he just the best.

No. He's not. You're not cute and I want to projectile vomit all over your Instagram pics and your captions that say "can't think of anyone id rather spend the day with, love my best friend".

Stop everything you're doing.

Just stop. It.

I don't care, your high school friends don't care, your work friends don't care. Your great aunt doesn't even care that much. No one cares as much as you do, which makes me wonder why you feel the need to post about your relationship so much in the first place. Do you need to rub it in people's faces or do you need to rub it in your own? Do you need 158 likes on Facebook to truly be in love with your SO or do you just like the attention and elitism that comes with having one?

I've had exactly two relationships in 23 years, so what do I know? Maybe the cover photos and status updates about your dates (no really, thanks for the play by play) is actually what being in a relationship is about and not sharing those moments with the person next to you. Maybe it's actually about spending hours trying to think of the perfect caption to post under the picture instead of trying to think of the words to actually tell your loved one.

Does this make me sound bitter? Probably. Do I care? No. But does it mean I'm not happy for my friends in love? Absolutely not.

I'm happy for you. I'm happy you've found someone to treat you right and that's worthy of your praise, I really am. But I just don't care to see it all over every social media platform we can get an app for on our phone.

So to all my friends who happen to now be half of who they used to be. Please, I love you, but just tone it down a little bit.

No one cares.